I’ve always been someone who seeks out advice from mentors, experts, and people I respect. Maybe it’s the rule-follower in me, or maybe it’s that I never want to fail or make avoidable mistakes.
For example, my daughter recently decided to go to cosmetology school – a world I know nothing about. I felt overwhelmed just trying to help her navigate it: Which school should she go to? Part-time or full-time? What should she actually expect? Can she work in a salon right away, or does she have to intern first? Rather than relying on ChatGPT or my own lack of knowledge, I went and asked people who had actually gone through cosmetology school. I asked every question I could think of, because I wanted to help her make informed choices, not guesses.
I think the same principle applies to marriage. You wouldn’t take financial advice from someone who’s broke. So when it comes to marriage advice, make sure you’re getting it from someone you actually trust – someone with real experience and real results, not just an opinion.
As someone who eats, breathes, and sleeps marriage for a living, I have way too much advice to give, but I wanted to boil it down to what I believe are the most essential pieces. Take what’s useful. Run it by your happily married friends. Ask ChatGPT if it has anything to add (though I have heard ChatGPT give awful marriage advice so be careful). Just make sure, whoever you’re asking, you trust the source.
So here are the top six pieces of marriage advice I give the couples I coach:
- Prioritize your marriage no matter what. Your calendar is a reflection of what you care about, so your spouse better be on it. Date nights, walks, intimacy, coaching sessions, vacations, a flirty text in the middle of the dayโฆ whatever it looks like for you, you have to make time for your spouse, or life will always crowd it out. A healthy marriage requires both quality time and quantity of time. Be intentional about both.
- No communication tool will fix resentment or break your fight cycle on its own. The only way to truly repair a relationship is through 4-step apologies, genuine forgiveness, and the consistent rebuilding of trust over time. Most couples were never taught how to repair, and that’s okay. That’s exactly where a good coach can help.
- If you want a better marriage, it starts with becoming a better you. You can sit there pointing fingers, blaming your spouse, and feeling powerless in your own life. Or you can focus on the one person you actually have control over: yourself. You have 100% control over your triggers, your words, your actions, your habits, and your attitude. The more time you spend focused on your own lane, the lighter, softer, and more enjoyable you are to be around.
- Have a growth mindset. None of us have all the answers – not even me. We’re constantly changing, evolving, and growing. If you stay open-minded, stay teachable, and make time to learn, heal, and self-reflect, you’re already ahead of the majority of couples out there.
- Trust (not love) is the foundation of your marriage. Feelings of love come and go; you can’t build a life on something that fluctuates day to day. Trust is what tells you who you can love safely. People often associate trust with infidelity, and while that will absolutely break it, there are countless smaller ways trust erodes: constantly being on the phone, no longer initiating intimacy, over-promising and under-delivering, getting defensive the moment something is brought up, avoiding issues instead of addressing them. Stop chasing the feeling of love and connection, and start focusing on rebuilding trust instead. Most couples don’t know how to do this and if that’s you, that’s exactly what our coaches are here for.
- The first 5-10 seconds of a conversation will make or break it. If you come in hot with a harsh tone, bad attitude, defensiveness, and assumptions, you’ve already set the conversation up to fail. But if you come in with a good attitude, a soft start-up, a clear motive, and a genuine desire to understand your spouse’s perspective, the conversation will almost always move in a healthier direction. The good news: there are hundreds of communication tools out there. The better news: anyone can learn to become a healthy, effective communicator. Our coaches know exactly how to do this and can teach you effective communication techniques.ย
The couples and individuals who take this advice and apply it to their lives and relationships are thriving. That can be you, too.
Every healthy marriage is built one intentional step at a time, and you don’t have to figure it out alone. Whether you’re looking for personalized guidance through Marriage365 Coaching, practical tools inside our Premium Membership, live learning through our Masterclasses and Group Coaching, or resources like in our online bundles, we’re here to help you create lasting connection. Wherever you are in your marriage, Marriage365 has resources designed to help you become the healthiest version of yourself so you can experience a stronger, more connected relationship.
Written by Meygan Castonย
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brenรฉ Brown.
