It amazes us how few couples actually talk about their sex life, when survey after survey notes that a healthy sex life is a critical factor to marriage satisfaction. What’s strange is that I couldn’t think of a more stimulating (see what I did there?) topic of conversation than sex.
Let’s get curious… what’s preventing couples from talking about sex? Two things.
The first is not knowing where to begin. For starters, very few us had healthy examples or role models to show us how to address what we want and dislike in the bedroom and our culture doesn’t help any. And second, few of us know which questions to ask that don’t make us sound totally clueless. So we default to the fantasy that if it’s true love, we’ll just know.
Here are our top 5 mistakes that couples make in the bedroom with some great questions to get you talking!
1. Lack of desire
This stems from busy couples that give themselves to everyone else with nothing left for their spouse and given enough time their libido is completely gone.
Q: When was a time where you felt most desired by me?
2. No physical compliments
So many couples never compliment each other on their body, leading to insecurities that can interfere with our sex life.
Q: What are two things you love about my body?
3. You stopped taking care of yourself physically
We worked so hard to put our best foot forward when we were dating and then resorted to the comforts of our baggy sweatshirts once we got married and somehow lost the special-ness and occasion of having sex.
Q: What were some things, when we were dating, where you put your best foot forward?
4. Lack of foreplay
When sex begins to feel like a mission to accomplish, where there is no lingering in the moment, where foreplay is ditched for jumping straight to intercourse, a couple’s sexual intimacy is rarely satisfying.
Q: What is your favorite form of foreplay?
5. Unrealistic SEXpectations
You’ll have to read our blog 3 Ways to Get Over Your SEXpectations to understand just how much having unrealistic expectations involving your sex life can ruin things in the bedroom for both of you. So many people get stuck in their head and struggle to be present in the moment! It wasn’t until we talked this through until we found a healthy balance.
Q: How frequently would you like us to have sex?
If you’re ready to REIGNITE YOUR SEXUAL INTIMACY, start our 4 week online course now!
Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times best seller.
