10 Ways To Ruin Your Marriage


Let’s get this straight, we do not write from a position of getting marriage right.

We make mistakes all the time and are constantly learning. In fact, we scored a 10 out of 10 on this list of things we did to each other than nearly ended our marriage. We hope you can learn from our mistakes and start today to reverse any of these habits you might have in your marriage.

Become Stagnant

No one wants a spouse who doesn’t make effort to change and grow. We all are a work in progress and should create space in our lives to reflect on the areas that need growth. Write down personal goals and post them in the house or at your office. On your next date night, start making a list of dreams you’d like to accomplish in the next 6 months to 5 years.

Be In Love With Your Phone & TV

Have you ever been talking to someone and they are scrolling through their phone or constantly looking over their shoulder at the TV? It feels terrible and makes you feel like they are disinterested in the conversation. In order to be less distracted, you have to put down your phone and be courageous enough to turn it off after a certain time of day. You need to limit how much television you watch and make your marriage a top priority. Be careful of ‘unlimited feeds’ like Instagram or Facebook because in reality…they’re a time suck for all of us.

Become Boring

Don’t stop pursuing hobbies and being active. Try new things, hang out with friends, get off of the couch and go make memories together. It’s easy to get in a routine but push yourself to break out of them and be adventurous. Plan new date nights that don’t include only going to the movies. Get active, find somewhere to serve alongside each other or take a road trip.

Put Others Before Your Spouse

If you prioritize your friends, co-workers or family over your spouse, you are definitely going to have trouble at the home front. There can be no divided loyalties. When you got married and started your own family, that’s where your primary loyalty needs to be. Your spouse deserves your firsts, not your left overs. Your spouse’s opinions and ideas should always matter more than others.

Ignore Problems

This just in….no one has a perfect marriage and because all marriages struggle and have conflict, you cannot brush them under the carpet. Ignoring the issues is like packing the room with dynamite- it’s going to blow sometime! Good communication requires asking for what you want and not assuming that your spouse should just know. Learn to really listen to each other.

Give Your Spouse the Silent Treatment

The silent treatment says you’ve quit on the relationship. You are no longer willing to work on resolving any conflict. It’s punishing, demeaning, and shaming. You’ve essentially created a defensive posture that allows nothing in or out. Be warned, this sort of tactic is a sure sign of an ailing relationship. This response typically comes from a place where the conflict has become so overwhelming, that your emotional self shuts down. While there is definitely a time to walk away for a moment and cool down, doing so cannot be to punish your spouse or stop them from being heard.

Stop Having Sex

A surefire way to create emotional distance between you and your spouse is to create a wide chasm physically. Intimacy is the glue that holds couples together and sex should be on your to do list. And trust us, no one has ever said after an orgasm, “Well, that was a waste of time!” Are you too busy? Schedule it. Stop making excuses!

Spend More Money Than What You Have

Money is always at the top of list of reasons for divorce. Debt is a terrible burden to put on the marriage. At its peak, we were close to $200K in debt. Our spending was out of control. Shoot, we even financed a vacuum!  This undisciplined spending will sink you. How do you get out? Get crazy serious about it. If it wasn’t tied dow… we sold it, bought junky cars (yes, very humiliating), ate on a mac n cheese diet… but after 2.5 years, we made it out on the other end debt free. It was glorious! Stop spending money you don’t have, get on a budget and only buy what you really need. It can be overwhelming at first, but you have to be on the same page when it comes to money. Plan budget meetings where you come to the table with income and expenses. They say- what you value is where you put your money.

Threaten Divorce

Threatening divorce turns a fair fight into a dirty one.  Saying the “D” word is like dropping a nuclear bomb on the whole fight by simply killing everything in sight, including yourself. When you say this, where do you go from there? Why put in any more effort in the conversation or the relationship if the other person is packing their bags? The spouse who said the “D” word is either giving up or using it as a threat. This sort of dirty play puts your spouse in the position of being either the only one fighting for the marriage or feeling like “why bother” if you don’t really want to be married. Marriage can be hard and giving up verbally makes it even harder. Make a commitment to eliminate this from your vocabulary.

Keep Secrets

Sometimes couples avoid the hot-button topics, or keep secret something they think their partner won’t like. If you deep down know that you should be honest about the situation, you need to share it and not hold it in. Unfortunately, the longer you hold it in, the more anxious and guilty you become. Keeping secrets can lead to depression, stress, and eventually start eroding the foundation of your marriage. 100% intimacy cannot come without 100% transparency. The only secrets allowed in marriage are for birthday and anniversary presents!

Marriage365 Action Plan

Are you falling into these bad habits? What are you going to do today to change? Leave a comment below and let us know how you plan on focusing on your marriage.

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Written by Meygan Caston 

Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.

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26 thoughts on “10 Ways To Ruin Your Marriage”

  1. I think this was some very good points. I think it is so much needed areas that marriages need to make sure they value.

  2. All of these happened in our marriage, it shook us to our core. Amazingly we have survived, and I am so grateful to be still together. The last year was pure hell but through a lot of work and trusting in our love for each other we are coming through to the other side. Next month will be 19 years married!!

    1. Daynene, I am in the same situation hell we are really struggling how did you make it work any advice would greatly appreciated!
      Thank you

      1. Ashley, My husband and I have been married for over 22 years. This is a test, it’s only a test. This is a season in your marriage. My husband and I have survived it all. How we did it? Well I believe in serving my spouse, loving him when he least deserved it. I had about 2.5 years of feeling rejected and I swallowed my pride and kept loving him. Today, we’re happier than ever and he’s so filled with gratitude that I never gave up at the same time he did.That’s where the magic will happen. Be the lover, the giver and don’t stop. Exhaust yourself and be patient. Mostly just keep loving him even when he might not deserve it. Good Luck!

        1. Erica, thanks for leaving your comment. I am at this same point in my marriage… the one trying to give all the love and the one fighting… it’s difficult and can be quite discouraging… so hearing someone else go through the same thing helps keep me in a positive direction.

  3. This is the truth! From the Gottman Institute…Add:
    criticism, contempt-disgust
    Stonewalling-silent treatment
    Defensiveness and your marriage is dead.

  4. We have been struggling for the last 3years. Thank you for sharing. I needed to hear this. Prayers appreciated. God has the solution!

  5. We are stuck there at moment. So draining. Have 3 kids and every opportunity he says he’s taking his stuff. Am financially tied to him because I gave up having a career. So humiliated. Will try any suggestions

    1. I feel the same, I dont have kids with him but have his son that he puts all the time in front of me that i cant tell the kid anything, i understand is protective but when cross the line like feeling that the kid have power of me, dont think would work, if is not because i do really love him and believe that with God everything is possible would give up long time ago. But also would accept any suggestions.

  6. Have been in this struggle for 10 months now. All those things,on the last, I did to him or he did to me. We have been living seperated for about 7 months now. 🙁

  7. Excellent blog!These are such important things to adhere to.
    Melody, I feel your pain.
    In my marriage I placed it in God’s Hands. Yes, it might sound hippie christian and silly but I literally and intentionally searched for the love and happiness I can find in God. I got to a place where I became strong in God’s love for me, where what my spouse says don’t affect me as much. Through pursuing a relationship with God I got the strength to apply the points in this blog ánd pray that God will open my spouse’s eyes.
    It feels weird writing about this but I got to a point where I realised that I have nothing to loose to give God a chance.
    In a marriage where your spouse is the provider you feel lost and hopeless, depressed. Try the above and get to a place where you can have a conversation with your spouse about courses you can take to equip you to start something to lift you up ánd have money come in (you’ll feel more in charge of your own life. You’ll still share finances though, this is to help you find yourself and your independence within your marriage).
    I gave up a perfectly successful career and by applying the above cheerfully and lovingly ‘served’my husband (it wasn’t easy most of the time) and I started seeing a change in his thinking, in his attitude towards me.
    We’re at a place now where he’s sensitive to my needs, where we can have a chat about what he can do to meet my nneeds! It’s hard to believe this (as I’m typing I’m having tears of joy and gracefulness towards God for coming through) I’ve tried everything else before this with no results.
    It’s not easy but it does get easier as you listen to people like Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen to uplift you and get scripture and biblical principles into your mind/life.
    Good luck.
    Marriage is and can be beautiful.
    If God could turn my situation around, He can yours.

    1. Thank you for that. My wife walk out two months ago. She left her 15 yr old daughter with me. We did all of those things to each other too. I’m praying fervently that God can heal our marriage. I see all of the ways that I could have been a better husband. She suffers from PTSD and I was not understanding of it. I blambed our financial situation on her all sorts of way I was not loving her like Jesus loved the church. With gods grace I pray she comes home and we can resurrect or marriage and family

  8. I have been married for 8 years and through out my marriage it has always been fights and arguin all the time. Last year I caught my husband talking to other woman and it broke my heart. I got in a depression and he would not understand me. He never really stopped talking to other woman until like 3months after. We have been so much better since than no lies no secrets nothing. Recently he got a new phone and wants to keep his password from me because he says that I don’t need to know it and I got really upset. I don’t care if he knows mine or my other password like for Facebook Instagram or any social media. I don’t have anything to hide. That’s why I don’t understand why he needs to keep passwords from me. What should I do or how should I talk to him about it? He doesn’t understand me and only gets mad.

    1. See marriage builders how to end the affair. If he doesn’t want to be 100% open and honest. Time for you to go.

  9. This is us!! Been like this for 5 years. Every one of the above ways to ruin a marriage is happening and has been for 5 years. We are in therapy. He says I have to get rid of my anger for good. I have to change. Therapist asked him what is something that You ,( my husband)could change about himself. One thing. My husband looked right at the therapist and said he could not think of even one thing he could change. I had already told the therapy in a previous session with just me that he would say that. We have been married over 35 years I know him well. He is not the man I used to know at all. Personality change totally. Thanks for this article.

  10. Comparison is also a way to kill your marriage. My husband is constantly comparing me to his brothers wife and our marriage to theirs. It’s demoralising and makes you question if you’re enough.

  11. We are guilty of 7 out of ten.
    The most hurtful and damaging one for me is when he uses the D word. If comes out in every argument we have. If I try to calmly have a conversation about the issues he tells me I am trying to start problems we don’t have.

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