50 Questions You Must Ask Before Getting Married

Falling in love is easy but staying in love takes a lot of commitment and self-awareness.

Getting married will be one of the biggest decisions you’ll make in your life (no pressure!). It signifies the love and commitment you have for each other. Getting to do life with your best friend forever… it’s an incredible journey for so many!

It’s time for you and your fiancé to discuss these MUST-ASK QUESTIONS before your big day. Knowing where each other stands on these topics will set the right expectations and prepare you for your future together. Take turns asking each other these open ended questions and remember to listen to your finance’s feelings, perspective and ideas. We’ve chosen 10 topics that all couples need to focus on.

Childhood & Family 

• What beliefs do you have about yourself that resulted from your childhood?

• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be and why?

• Were you allowed to express your emotions as a kid? Why or why not?

• What are your families views on race, ethnicity, and politics?

Sex & Intimacy 

• What should we do if we end up having mismatched sex drives at some point in our marriage?

• Is there anything from your past that might affect our sex life?( Examples: sexual abuse, molestation, early interactions with pornography, toxic relationships, depression, medication side effects, etc.)

• What are ways we can make sure our sexual intimacy stays a priority once we’re married?

• Do you consider watching pornography cheating? Why or why not?

• When one of us is not in the mood for sex, what should be communicated so neither of us feels rejected?

• Are you comfortable discussing our sexual likes and dislikes? Why or why not?

• Who taught you about sex? Was it helpful or a hindrance?

• How many sexual partners have you had in the past? Do you feel like these experiences will hinder or help us in our sex life together?

Past Relationships

• What did your past relationships teach you about love, trust and commitment?

• Were any of your past relationships physically or emotionally abusive? Explain.

• Were there any red flags you saw in past relationships that you ignored? Why do you think that was?

• What were some of the mistakes you made in past relationships with your boyfriend/girlfriend?

Conflict & Repair

• When conflict arises, do you tend to want to fight or avoid it? Why do you think that is?

• How and when will we resolve differences in our marriage?

• Do you feel comfortable seeking professional counseling if needed? Why or why not?

• Do you feel like we have a good understanding of how and when we should bring up issues in our relationship? Why or why not?

• How can we make sure that divorce is NEVER an option for us?

• What things make you angry? What do you do when you’re angry? What are ways you process your anger in a healthy way?

Boundaries

• How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, church, school, etc.? Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each?

• What boundaries can we make that will protect us from spending too much time on our phones?

• What does self-care look like to you? How well do you implement self-care into your life?

• What are healthy boundaries we need to put into play on having friends of the opposite sex?

• What topics do we deal with as a couple that we will not discuss with our parents and family members?

Career & Money

• • How compatible are we in our money styles and how will we handle finances once married?

  • Are you willing to relocate for either of our jobs and if so, to where?

  • How much a month can each of us spend without any rules and without having to ‘ask permission’?

  • What will happen if one of us loses a job or is laid off? What would be your plan of action?

  • How would we navigate a drastic career change once we’re married?

  • Have you ever run into trouble with debt? Do you have any debt and if so how much? Tell me about it.

  • Which one of us will pay the bills? Or will we share that responsibility?

• If we have differences regarding our finances, how will we plan on resolving them?

• What are ways that you would like us to financially invest in our marriage? (Ex: date nights, vacations, seminars, relationship books, etc.)

Pregnancy & Parenting 

• One day in our future, would you want children? And if so, how many?

• If we are unable to get pregnant naturally, would you be open to fertility treatments such as IVF, artificial insemination and surrogacy? Explain.

• Once we have kids, is it important to live near family? Why or why not?

• Do you anticipate raising our children the same way you were raised, completely differently from the way you were raised or a mixture of both?

Communication

• What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?

• What are some unhealthy habits that we have when we communicate? (Ex: Name calling, blaming, fixing, minimizing feelings, making judgmental statements, eye rolling, shutting down.)

• Do you feel like I try my best to understand your views, feelings and opinions? Why or why not?

• What is one thing that I can work on to become a better listener?

Spirituality & Faith 

• Do you think we are spiritually compatible? Explain.

• What are your thoughts about prayer and mediation?

• How important is spirituality to you?

Friendship 

• What are five things we have in common?

• In what ways has our relationship changed you?

• What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?

DISCLAIMER: It’s normal for you and your fiancé to disagree on certain topics. Conflict is actually a healthy part of a relationship and is definitely part of being married. It’s key to learn how to communicate in a healthy way and work through your disagreements while still showing each other respect.

Looking for more questions to connect with your fiancé? Grab a copy of our book 365 Connecting Questions for Engaged Couples now!

Written by Meygan Caston

Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County, California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown, and get on The Price is Right.