When you married your spouse, you married their parents…like it or not.
And if you plan on going the distance in marriage, which we hope you will, then you are with them forever too. We’ve heard reports of families with healthy relationships on both sides, a rare case indeed. For the rest of us, we need to learn how to find healthy boundaries with the in-laws.
Well, we’re here to help and offer some practical tips on how to better your relationship with your in-laws while keeping your marriage intact.
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There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that’s where your primary loyalty needs to be.
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You only have a certain amount of physical and emotional energy. If your in-laws are draining you, there needs to be a healthy conversation with them that will clearly define your boundaries. Let them know you aren’t shutting them out, but simply focusing on your marriage.
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Never tell your in-laws too much about your personal life, including finances, sex, and work. It’s none of their business unless you make it their business.
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Don’t assume that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to their parents. Come up with specific boundaries you both want in place.
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NEVER borrow money from your in-laws…EVER!
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Be quick to defend your spouses honor. If their parents bad-mouth them, don’t allow it. Simply say, “I understand your concern but we would rather have your support and not your criticism.” This also goes for your parents bad-mouthing your spouse.
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Try not to criticize your spouse for the relationship they have with their parents. It may lead to clinginess and complications, and nobody wants that.
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Never tell your spouse “You sound just like your mother” or “You’re acting just like your dad”.
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You do not have to agree with your in-laws opinion, but you do need to respect them.
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If something they said or did bothered you, assess the situation and decide if it’s worth confronting or letting go. If it’s worth confronting, be sure that this is done over the phone or in person. Never text or email because these communication methods lack tone, and can often be misunderstood.
CONNECTION Challenge:
Write down 5 positive things about your in-laws. Think about these things next time you’re around them and see what happens when you focus on the positive rather than the negative. Another opportunity is to text these to your in-laws as a way to say thank you and show your appreciation. THIS will score big points.
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County, California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown, and get on The Price is Right.
