30 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married


No one wants to marry the wrong person yet somehow so many people do.

The key to your dating and engaged months & years is to ask each other some tough questions. The way your partner answers and responds will be very telling and eye-opening. Be sure to ask these questions, even if it’s uncomfortable, because you need to be prepared. Answers like, “I don’t know” or “Haven’t really thought about it” are ones to go back to sooner than later and get answers.

  • How did your parents show their love to you growing up?

  • Do you have trust issues and insecurities?

  • How will we make decisions together?

  • What is your love language?

  • If we get stuck in our marriage, are you willing to seek outside help with a counselor?

  • How much alone time do you need?

  • What are your thoughts about having debt?

  • How do we handle conflict and how could we be better about it?

  • What are the boundaries we want to put in place when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex?

  • What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?

  • Do you feel like we have enough heart to heart conversations that connect us emotionally?

  • How do you handle your anger?

  • Do you expect or want me to change in certain areas?

  • What amount of available money do you need to have to feel comfortable?

  • Are we both good at apologizing?

  • Are we both quick to forgive?

  • What role will your family play in our life together?

  • Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

  • How will we make sure we have quality time together no matter how busy we get?

  • What are some of your financial goals?

  • What does faith and spirituality mean to you?

  • How important is it to you to keep up physical appearances?

  • Are there some things that you and I are not prepared to give up in the marriage?

  • Do you feel like you can be assertive with me? Why or why not?

  • How do we balance holiday and special occasions with both families and also make sure to have special time for us?

  • Have you ever cheated on someone or been cheated on?

  • How important do you think self-care is?

  • When conflict arises, do we tend to want to fight or avoid it?

  • Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

  • Do you want kids? If so, how many and how do you intend to shape our children’s values?

Bonus Tip

If your partner’s answer made you feel triggered, uncomfortable or unsettled, don’t ignore it. Lean in and first process why the answer they gave made you feel that way. Then bring it back up at a later time and ask more questions to bring clarity.

Make sure you’re ready for marriage by starting our online premarital course Happily Ever After

Written by Meygan Caston 

Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.

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3 thoughts on “30 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married”

  1. I would add:
    – Is pornography something that you watch regularly?
    – What are your boundaries with alcohol?
    – What hobbies can we work on together?

  2. I would like to add: if we cannot have children because I have a fertility issue, would you still be with me forever and maybe suggest to adopt or would you seek for another partner and break up with me?

  3. I would add:
    — how well do you tolerate each others’ political views?
    — what would you do if your partner lost his or her job?
    — how would you react if a child of yours says they are gay?
    — how and what do you plan to teach your children about views on
    race, religion, individual sexuality?

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