Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la…. Yeah right.

The first 8 years of our marriage we spent every Christmas going back and forth between my parents, Casey’s parents, grandparents homes, friends holiday parties to the point where we were frustrated, had zero sex drive and laid our heads down at night completely exhausted. Not so jolly for the Caston’s.

Aren’t the holidays supposed to be memories filled with love, laughter and good times with those you love? After 8 years of running ourselves to the ground, we decided to change our perspective on how our holiday should be celebrated and we haven’t looked back since.

Here are 4 holiday tips for you and your spouse to talk about and stick to! (Trust us.)

Create your own traditions.

You are your own family now. You don’t have to do everything exactly like your parents or in-laws did, even if you’re with them! It’s important to create traditions unique to your family that you can do on your own. Especially consider having a special tradition just for you and your spouse.

Set a realistic budget.

Set a realistic budget to keep from feeling financial stress that puts more pressure on your marriage. There are thousands of possibilities for homemade or inexpensive gifts that don’t have to cost anything so get creative! And don’t wait until the last minute, or else the stress will hit you anyway. Money is often a topic of contention in relationships, but it doesn’t have to be.

Focus on your family.

Make sure you are taking time each day to do something just with your spouse and/or your children. Take a walk or take an after meal “nap” to get away from constant togetherness. This is a great way to introduce some of your traditions and give you a break at the same time.

Schedule sex.

You read that right! In the busyness of the holidays, sex usually takes a back seat. Mark it on your calendar and schedule some time to be naughty… or nice!

Connection Challenge:

Spend some time and go over these Connecting Questions:

• How would you describe a perfect Christmas day?

• How did your parents celebrate the holidays?

• If you had an extra $1,000 to spend at Christmas, what would you buy?

• Are there any of my family members you would rather not spend the holidays with? If so why?

• Is there anything about the holidays that makes you feel anxious and stressed?

• What is a new tradition we should start incorporating during the holidays?

If you’re looking for the perfect gift this holiday season, pick up a copy of our book 365 Connecting Questions for Couples.