I never got married thinking that we would grow apart, but somehow it happened…and it was bad.
We grew so far apart — and in only three years — that it felt impossible to fall back in love.
This happens to a very large number of couples, and it’s heartbreaking. Slowly, silently, and often unintentionally, couples drift apart. If you’re wondering why your connection isn’t what it used to be, these are the 4 reasons why couples grow apart — and how you can start fixing it today.
1. They Stop Prioritizing Each Other
One of the biggest 4 reasons why couples grow apart is simply that life gets busy — and fast. Between work deadlines, school drop-offs, bills, and laundry piles, it’s easy to push your marriage to the back burner.
I think all couples (yes, even us!) tell ourselves, “It’ll get better,” or, “It’s just a season.” But then one month turns into several…and you wake up feeling like strangers.
Here’s the harsh truth: Marriage requires time—both quality and quantity. So when your relationship stops being prioritized, distance will slowly but surely creep in.
Remember when you were dating? You made time for each other no matter how crazy your schedule was. That shouldn’t stop just because you’re married.
What to do:
- Do the Weekly Marriage Business Meeting (this is a FREE worksheet in our Marriage365 app).
- Remind yourself that your spouse should never feel like they’re getting your leftovers.
2. They Lack the Right Tools
Another major reason from the 4 reasons why couples grow apart is that many couples simply don’t have the right tools to succeed.
Most couples were never taught how to communicate well, resolve conflict, or stay emotionally connected. And if you or your spouse came from an unhealthy childhood, or if you’ve never taken any kind of relationship or emotional skills course…how would you know what to do?
I could tell you until I’m blue in the face, but I think you already know this deep down: Love alone isn’t enough to sustain a marriage!!!
You need tools, habits, and resources that you practice daily—not just when things fall apart.
What to do:
- Invest in your relationship like you would your health, your career, or your dreams.
- Read a marriage book together.
- Join our Marriage365 membership.
- Download our Marriage365 app.
Make learning and growing together a way of life—not just something you do when you’re in crisis.
3. They Become Resentful
Resentment is another big culprit among the 4 reasons why couples grow apart.
You and your spouse are going to make mistakes. You’re going to say something hurtful. You’re going to make stupid choices. And when couples don’t know how to give a 4-STEP APOLOGY or walk through the forgiveness process, resentment creeps in…and then it makes itself at home.
The thing about resentment is that you can compartmentalize it for a while. But eventually, it grows and grows. And one day, you realize you’ve not only grown apart emotionally as a way to protect yourself, but you don’t respect your spouse anymore either. Everything they do is irritating. Disappointing. And all of that stems from unresolved resentment.
What to do:
- Take our course called OVERCOMING RESENTMENT in the Marriage365 app where we walk you through the exact steps to healing.
- Understand that hope and healing are possible, but you need next steps and a clear guide to get there.
4. They Avoid the Hard Conversations
The final reason among the 4 reasons why couples grow apart is simple:
Avoiding the hard conversations.
No one wants to have emotionally charged conversations where they know an argument could happen. NO ONE. And silence? It’s easier in the short-term but so much more costly in the long run.
The feelings and problems don’t go away—they just get pushed down. And when couples stop sharing their needs, hurts, frustrations, and dreams, emotional intimacy fades.
What’s left is surface-level talk, and slowly, you start living separate lives. You feel more like roommates or co-parents instead of partners.
What to do:
- Be brave. Speak up.
- Ask your spouse questions like:
“Is there anything I’ve done recently that hurt you?”
“Is there something you need more of from me?” - Watch our video called How to Identify and Express Your Needs (available inside the Marriage365 app). We teach three easy techniques to help you feel confident communicating instead of bottling everything up.
Always remember: Vulnerability rebuilds bridges.
Couples Don’t Grow Apart Overnight
The 4 reasons why couples grow apart don’t happen in a single moment.
It’s usually a slow drift—a result of small decisions over time.
The good news? You can grow back together just as intentionally.
It starts with small, daily choices:
- Choose connection.
- Choose communication.
- Choose each other.
You have what it takes to reconnect, rebuild trust, and even fall back in love.
Need Help Making Your Relationship a Daily Priority?
Download the FREE Marriage365 App for the best worksheets, videos, and courses on communication, connection, and emotional intimacy. You don’t have to do this alone—and we’d love to help you every step of the way.
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.
