My husband and I are complete opposites when it comes to conversation.
I am an external processor and love to talk out loud. My husband is an internal processor and figures out almost everything in his head. This means that sometimes, in marriage, I feel like our conversations are one-sided. More accurately, I feel like he doesn’t want to share with me, when in reality he knows what is and what is not worth sharing out loud.
Have you ever felt like that? If so, then, like my spouse, your spouse needs a little prompting.
I have found that if I ask my husband pointed and direct questions he is happy to share and I feel like we are connecting on a deeper level. Here are 41 Connecting Questions to ask your spouse right now to help facilitate that deeper conversation that you’re looking for:
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What is your idea of a romantic night with me?
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What are you currently afraid of?
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How can I help you face your fears?
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Is our marriage on track to still be in love in 10, 15, 20 years? If not, what can we do differently now to set us up to have (and keep) our happily ever after?
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Do you believe our children have and feel security based on our marriage?
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When you look at me do you see a spouse who deeply loves you? Why or why not?
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Is there anything you have asked me to do that I have neglected?
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How were our kids today?
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Is there anything you would like me to talk to our kids about? (Behavior, obedience, bullies, sex, the boogieman, finishing their homework or chores etc.)
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Would you like a massage?
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Am I a safe person for you to talk to?
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What are your current goals?
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How can I encourage you toward your goals?
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Is there anything I can take off your plate to lighten your load?
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How often do you think about sex?
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If you had two hours alone with no interruptions, what would you do with the time?
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What can I take off your plate so that you can have those two hours to do that?
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What has been bothering you most about me lately?
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What has been impressing you most about me lately?
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How can I be more present in our marriage?
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Is there anything you are afraid to say to me that we could talk about openly right now?
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Is there anything you’re feeling anxious about?
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Is there anything holding you back from attempting something that you have been wanting to try?
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Can I bring you coffee in bed tomorrow so you can sleep in a little?
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What is something you wish I would ask you more often?
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If our kids grew up and married someone just like me would that make you happy or sad? Why?
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What night this week can I make dinner for you and what sounds good?
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Do you feel that I do well at meeting your needs?
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Do I hug, kiss, and touch you enough?
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What is your ideal mom’s/dad’s night off?
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Do you feel like you can count on me?
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Do you believe we are (still) compatible? If not, how can we be better?
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What can I do this week to make you feel loved and appreciated?
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When you look at our life together, does it feel fulfilling or lacking? Why?
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The last time we had sex, did you feel like I was fully present and engaged with you?
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If I were to die suddenly today, what is one thing you would want me to know?
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If you were to die suddenly today, what is something you would want me to know and/or something you would want me to tell our kids?
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In your opinion, are we spending our money on the things we should be?
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In your opinion, are we investing our time in the things we should be?
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Do I tell you “I love you” enough?
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If we were to randomly meet another married couple, would they walk away from that first interaction with us knowing 100% for sure that we are in love and secure in our love for each other?
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Written by Anna Collins
Anna Collins lives in sunny Southern California with her husband and two children. She is passionate about her marriage, staying at home with her kids, writing, coffee, good conversation, and game night. Her life dream is to someday write a book and see it published.
