7 Habits of Highly Sexual Couples

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Casey and I went on a double date with this couple we’ve known for a while and while we were at dinner, we noticed that they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

They were affectionate, and tender, and romantic, and seemed very genuine. It was extremely surprising since they’ve been married for almost 18 years. Of course we asked the question that we ask every one of our friends: “So, what’s the secret to having a happy marriage?”  Within seconds they both said “Great sex!”

We all started laughing, but my first thought was: Really? Come on guys. Not communication? Not forgiveness? What about respect? Really… sex?! Please explain this to us. By the end of our evening, they had opened up about how their sex life is what fuels their communication, friendship, and everything else.

Here are some tips they shared with us that we wanted to pass along

 

They aren’t sexually selfish

Newsflash: Sex isn’t about what you can get from it! If you go into the bedroom thinking only of yourself, then you might be what we call a ‘“selfish lover”.  Sex should be a way for you and your spouse to express your love for each other. Good married sex means that both of you are left feeling desired and pleased.

They have high levels of trust and respect

Because sex is such an intimate expression of love, couples who feel safe and can trust each other with their thoughts, feelings, and ideas respect each other in and out of the bedroom. (And, as an added bonus, being naked and fully vulnerable during sex builds that trust and respect. Win-win!)

They embrace their imperfections

Couples who have great sex look past the unwanted hair, the stretch marks, the razor burn, the cellulite, and the wrinkles. They love their spouse for more than just their physical appearance. Plus, they know what to focus on… all the good physical and emotional qualities.

They don’t rely on being in the mood

Couples who have great sex realize that sex is essentially like “physical communication”. Instead of using your mouth to verbally communicate, though you are probably using your mouth for plenty of other things, sex is a physical way to use your body to communicate to your spouse “I love you”, “you’re sexy to me” and “I trust you”.

So, in the same way your spouse needs to hear “I love you” even when you’re not in the mood to say it, sometimes they need sex to communicate that love on a deeper level, even when you aren’t in the mood.

DISCLAIMER: Sex should never be forced on you and you should never force sex on your spouse. By ‘not in the mood’ we mean “I’m really tired and don’t feel like it”. Sex should always be consensual.

They talk about their sexual likes and dislikes

You’ve heard a very common phrase that communication is key to having a great marriage. Well, communication is also key to having mind-blowing sex! If you’re having to make assumptions and guessing where and how your spouse likes to be touched, you both will be left with a lot of disappointments. Our friends clearly talk about their sexual likes and dislikes and have improved their technique because of their open communication.

They make the most of quickies

Sometimes there are seasons of life (new baby, career change, moving to a new house) where you only have 5 minutes to get it on, and 5 minutes is better than nothing. Couples who are highly sexual have healthy boundaries with their time so they can reserve enough passion for their spouse. In fact, they take advantage of every “We’ve got 5 minutes!” they can.

Sex doesn’t define their relationship

Couples who have made sex the biggest focal point of their relationship will be quickly disappointed if they go through a season where there isn’t much intimacy. Sex is an incredible way to connect, but it cannot be the only thing. Our friends do an excellent job at going on weekly date nights, being playful with one another, talking about their day, and also dealing with their issues head-on.

In all honesty, Casey and I do not have the perfect sex life. I’m not even sure we would consider ourselves highly sexual people. Okay, well maybe Casey is, but I think it’s our goal to be intimate as much as we can. But this I know for sure: couples who have a lot of sex, and it’s hot sex with tons of passion, are constantly working on their emotional connection.

Never forget that physical intimacy is born from emotional intimacy. 


Has your sex life become predictable, non-existent, infrequent, or just boring? Take our 4-week online course Reignite Your Sexual Intimacy, or become a member of Marriage365 and receive this course as part of your membership.


Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown and get on The Price is Right.


 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “7 Habits of Highly Sexual Couples”

  1. I have to agree. We are going on 16 months of not having sex and it’s causing alot of problems… Maybe not on his part but definitely on mine.
    I’ve been trying g and been burned too many times that anger build up. I don’t trust him anymore to depend on promises we would have sex because he breaks them so many times.
    Which leads to building a wall … We don’t cuddle, touch, kiss (besdies a peck on the lips) or any form…
    We are at the point we’re just cruising through. I feel disconnected. Unhappy. Miserable. Bitter. Hurt. Mistrust.
    I’ve tried going his way… But because I did, this happened. And frankly it’s leading to dead end for me. I’m very close to deciding it’s over between us. Because I’m not going out. I’m not making friends .. I am not living anymore. I just can’t go out. Temptation are everywhere. It’s bound to happen to ME if I stepped out of that door and hang out with anyone. And it’ll be my fault.
    I’ve tried talking to him. I’ve tried explaining that having healthy form of sexual activity is a security on our marriage. It will hold me back. It will protect me from others.
    I am aware even those who have a wonderful spouse and loves them still fall victim. I am aware of that. But if I have this one thing with my husband… I’m stronger to stand against the temptation … It’s easier.
    But only if he would listen to me.. hear me. See me. Care for that. Gawd, I wish he would understand.

    1. Kaytee,

      My name is Leah and it’s crazy to read your post because it mirrors my life so much. I have been married for 9 1/2 years now. My husband and I rarely have sex because he is not interested. I am a very sexual person and always have been. I am at my wits end with this whole thing because it’s really starting to effect my self esteem and my self love. I totally feel like I am fat, ugly and unattractive. He is not into me at all. It seems as it has always been this way since shortly after we were married. I confronted him once about how much sexual we had when we were dating and how much we have now and he replied with “my sex drive is the same as when we were dating” so I said to him “oh so you just tried harder back then?” He had nothing to say. He is full of false promises and I when he does have sex with me in that rare occasion, it’s boring and self centered, he will usually finish before me and then fall asleep while trying to help me finish.

      I am at a loss. My friends don’t understand cause the roles are reversed in their marriages. I have tried to me sweet and less stressed so that I can be more approachable and that has yielded no results.

      I am at a loss on what I should do. We have discussed it many times with no changes. I really wish my husband would understand also. The temptation is real!

  2. Kaytee,
    My spouse and I are going on four months. If I make it to 16, I don’t know what I will do either. I feel your frustration. I am a very sexual person and my wife is not(anymore). I think we are all falsely led to believe by our significant others that sex is important in the beginning of a relationship only to find out later in the marriage that they were just doing it for the other person. Now that the love has worn off, they don’t feel the need to do that anymore. Now, let me say that I am not a perfect husband. I have been married for 15 years and we have a 5 year old son. I have not always complimented my wife and shown her love consistently(or maybe I don’t have her love language down) enough over the years, it seems. I have always been the one to initiate sex, and I try to initiate it often(daily). So, I would assume that my wife knows that I am attracted to her and I find her beautiful. After reading some things from various marriage sites, I realized a few months ago that I needed to step it up, but I think I am too late. My wife and I are going through some hardships, I guess. My wife started a job where she is out late after work "networking"(mostly with other men). I feel like she is getting emotional fulfillment from other men. She won’t give me the time of day. I try to connect with her and she just shuts me down or rejects me. It is an awful feeling. I feel empty and alone as well. Sometimes I sit and cry at work in my office. To me, sex is the ultimate way of saying I am yours and you are mine. It isn’t everything, but it is a lot to a relationship. My wife won’t even kiss me anymore unless I steal one in passing. I am trying everything and I too am at a loss. I wish that I could give you some advice, but I am seeking answers myself. I have signed up for this "Naked Conversations" because I think they have a lot of good things to say, but if the spouse isn’t willing to work with you, what do you do? If I try to talk to my wife about things, she shuts down(stonewalling) and I just push her away more. I am beginning to think that I should stop showing her attention and ignore her to make her see that I can live without her(although I know I can’t). You know the old stop chasing them and let them chase you. I don’t know what to do either. I have the same feelings of bitterness, hurt, unhappiness…I am miserable. I don’t feel a connection at all. We all just want to be connected to someone, don’t we? Who is she connected to? Someone else? Maybe. I can’t even think straight. I can’t do my job some days. I am sitting here typing this because I can’t focus on work today. I read this quote on instagram that said, " if I have to fight for your attention, blank your attention". I know that sounds awful, but it makes me grit my teeth and suck it up. I still go home and try to be the best I can be though. I don’t know how much longer I will suck it up. This isn’t just about sex. It is about way more than that. I wish we could both just fix it, don’t you? Sorry, I just kept going there. Good luck to you. I don’t know if it will help you or if Marriage365 will let me endorse someone else, but look up Mort Fertel. I recently purchased his audio book and it has some helpful content. I don’t think it will help me a ton because I have already tried some of his suggestions. A lot of his suggestions are very similar to what Meygan and Casey talk about. Meygan and Casey are a lot more fun to watch that is for sure. Maybe it will help you.

  3. Jeff sorry to say I know how you feel all of them. In mid March it will have been 2 1/2 years for us going without sex. Out of a 7 year marriage, we don’t even sleep in the same room together. We are both 60 but in good health. For me the pain, loneliness, bitterness grows day.
    I feel as if many heart is going to explode. The only place I go is to church usually by myself and on Tuesday I go to the church 4 prayer it’s open all day come and go as you want. So I go right after work now she’s accusing me cheating on her with somebody at the church. But I very seldom even see anybody well I’m at the church so now I’ve quit going for a while to prayer because there’s nobody to witness what may be going on so I can’t prove innocence. All I can say is that I would never do that to her. I could go on for days about this topic but I will cut it off now. My prayers are with you Jeff and my tears.

  4. My first husband and I figured out how to have great sex, but there was apparently a loss of respect and trust. We had no emotional connection. Sarcasm was bad too. So sad after 31 years of marriage. It was a hard decision to split, but neither of us wanted to spend our retirement years like that. Things are different with my husband now. Lots of emotional connection. We are committed to making sure we stay that way. Lessons learned. 🙂

  5. Melissa Vazquez

    What about oral and anal sex?! We’re struggling to accept and believe that Bible says that’s a sin!!???

    1. Well it’s really simple. All you have to do is do some serious research. And you will see that anal ‘sex’ is really not sex so much, as it is a violation. Granted it still stimulates, but the whole purpose of it is to degrade the one being penetrated. That too has gotten lost, as culture moves towards relativism, where no one even knows what certain things mean and why they are as they are. If you do your research, you will find that anal ‘sex’ is really of satanic origin. It is taught as normal within all satanic spiritual teachings on the planet, in which it is always described as "just another flavour of sex to try".

      It used to be extremely rare in porn, but the last 20 years popularized it to such an extent, around the whole world!, that many girls/women/wives have had to suffer their porn addicted/fed boyfriends and husbands acting out this satanic ritual in them. Humans are extremely mouldable, and adaptable, so that they can accept much which is wrong, yet live as if nothing is wrong. Women are even more pliable, and they submit, naturally, to the men they are with. So anal is the perfect way to defile women and men, and to disguise it all as just another sexual choice on the menu. Because in that worldview – pleasure always comes first, every other human virtue is mere fiction. The latest additions to that menu, in many couples sexual lives are BDSM and toys – after 25 to 40 years of bombardment (through sexual education videos, materials and books) that these things are normal and should be included in a couples’ sex life – of course: to gain more (physical) pleasure.

      As for oral – as long as no one worships the genitals, or focuses too much on merely getting each other off. Sex is not supposed to be a mere electrochemical mechanism and event.

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