All kinds of stereotypes in this world tell us that men are the ones with the higher sex drive and that women are not interested in sex at all. Well, that’s simply not true. We see plenty of couples with mismatched sex drives and we are seeing a rise in women voicing that they are the ones with the higher sex drive in their marriage.
Boldly put, plenty of women want sex more than their husbands do. Unfortunately, due to stereotypes and Hollywood, many couples experience conflict and confusion over this because it’s outside of the societal norm, but we’re here to tell you that it is normal, valid, and okay; finding rhythm in your sex drive is possible, no matter WHO “wants it more”. Speaking as a wife who has the higher sex drive in her marriage, if you are a wife in the same boat and you’re not sure how to feel about it, here are 3 things to remember that have helped my marriage tremendously…
1. Just because he doesn’t want sex as often as you doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you
My husband does so much to show me how much he values, appreciates and wants me, and I struggle all the time with taking it personally when he doesn’t show it through sex. Put your expectations and biases aside and hear what your spouse is telling you. If he says he is satisfied sexually and you have no reason not to trust him, then take him at his word and focus on communicating that YOU need more, not that he SHOULD WANT more. There is a big difference.
2. Allow opportunities for him to initiate
The best (and hardest) truth my husband ever told me about our sex life was that he felt like there were never any opportunities for him to make the first move because I was always making it first. This left him feeling discouraged because he kept trying to plan romantic experiences for us and I kept ruining them by literally getting the jump on him over and over again. Keep in mind that if you’re initiating every, single, time. It’s possible your spouse feels discouraged and needs a safe space to share his feelings with you or reset the expectations.
3. Communication and compromise are key
Just like finances, parenting, housework, weekend plans, and everything else in your life and marriage that you work through together, a happy sex life is about communication and compromise. Keep working at it until you are both happy with the frequency and connecting quality of the sex you’re having. There is NO SHAME in asking for more if you’re not getting enough, but there is conflict to be had if you demand it when your partner isn’t in the mood. Keeping a respectful, open dialogue will help you both be happy and confident about your sex life together.
*** Please don’t let any kind of comparison or the “world’s standards” trip you up. The ONLY thing that matters is that you and your spouse work together so that both of your needs are met.***