Most of the questions we get from couples are about being stuck in a sexual rut.
We were there… the same position, the same room in the house, the same furniture, and the same routine. For years we didn’t talk about it because no one taught us how to have a healthy conversation about our sex life. I also think we were too busy to create space and time to be creative in the bedroom.
That all changed when we discovered the post-sex wrap-up. Some dear friends mentioned that this transformed their sex life and gave them the insights needed to love their spouse in the specific ways they wanted to be loved. This post-game pillow talk focuses on what they like, didn’t like, what position feels good, fantasies, and affirming each other. This is a time for no judgements. The goal is to build their love life. We use this all the time and it works!
Your turn – we want you to try this out.
Set some ground rules and restate your goals to boost your love life and to learn more about each other. Set aside at least 30 minutes to listen to the heart of your lover.
Here are some questions you can use to kick start the conversation:
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What about our sex life makes you excited and anticipate the next time?
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Are you comfortable discussing our sexual likes and dislikes? Why or why not?
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What kind of physical touch best says, “I love you?”
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Who do we know that has the kind of marriage that we want?
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How affectionate would you like to be with me?
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What are your turn-offs?
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How will we let each other know what we want sexually?
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What need of yours have I not been able to satisfy?
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How can we make our sex life better? Get creative.
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What are your deepest desires, hopes and dreams?
After you’ve gone through this list, let your spouses answers marinate for awhile. Really listen to what they shared. Validate them and their feelings because this doesn’t come natural for many people.
Connection Challenge
Try something new this week sexually! Take one or two of your spouses ideas and bring it to the bedroom, or the kitchen counter, or maybe book a hotel room for the night and enjoy just being naked with one another.
If you really want to improve your intimacy, check out our 4 week online course!
Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times best seller.
