How to Love Your Snoring Spouse


OR: Marriage & Sleep Apnea – because snoring is annoying and love at 2:30am is hard.

Sleep apnea is the bane of my existence. Okay, maybe that is a little dramatic… but it is pretty close to how I really feel. My husband snores louder than a freight train and I am not exaggerating when I say that if he is asleep, you’ll know it because you can hear him from literally every single corner of my house; through every wall, under every pillow, through every ear plug on the market.

I love my husband unconditionally and with all of my heart, but I have found that unconditional becomes a lot more difficult at 2:47 am when you’re exhausted and just want to sleep… and even more important. If this at all sounds familiar to you, here are 3 tips, from my personal experience, to help:

1. Remember What Is True

As your spouse was forming in their mother’s womb… they did not intentionally choose to be a loud snorer so that they could maliciously keep you up all night. They just didn’t. In fact, they had no control over that particular character trait. Sleep apnea is something they have… not something they are. So, when you’re laying awake at night, growing more bitter by the second that your spouse is deeply asleep and you aren’t, remember that they love you and more importantly, that you love them. Pro-Tip: As you lay there, think in your head about all of the reasons why you are thankful for your spouse… it’s really hard, but it really helps!

2. Always Start In The Same Bed

No matter how tempting it is to sleep in separate bedrooms for the sake of sleep, make sure you always start out in the same bed together. Honestly, playing “musical beds” in the night when you have a spouse that snores seems pretty normal to me. And, in my opinion, sleep is really important, so if one of you ends up in a different bed or on the couch at some point in the middle of the night to get some sleep, well, I hear you. However, when you start off in different beds it sends a silent message that there is a wedge between you, and that kind of an emotional and physical wedge only grows bigger. I unfortunately learned this the hard way and am still repairing some of the emotional damage I did by insisting on sleeping in the guest room because “you snore loud and I can’t sleep next to you”. You’re a team!

3. Connect emotionally and physically as often as possible

Emotional and physical connection are very important when it comes to boosting connection between you and your spouse, especially if you’re not sleeping side-by-side all night. So make extra time for connecting questions and for lots of sex to reassure one another that the flame between you is still burning and very much alive. Do what you have to do to get sleep at night so that you can function, but don’t sacrifice intimacy in your marriage to do it!

Some bonus tips:

Invest in a really good pair of ear plugs.

Turn on some ambient music that might distract you from the sounds of the snoring.

Get good at apologizing (if you’re the one doing all of the snoring) and remember that even though you’re not intentionally keeping them up, showing compassion shows you care!  

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5 thoughts on “How to Love Your Snoring Spouse”

  1. Sleep Study! That snoring can also be s sign of OSA Obstructive Sleep Apnea and can steal years of your or your spouse’s life away!

  2. As a wife of a snoring spouse I’d like to comment on Tip number two. Reading and snuggling in bed as a bedtime routine is great for the marriage. But once it’s lights out time, trying to sleep with a snoring spouse is a futile and frustrating exercise. Sleep deprivation has severe consequences to one’s health and just because the spouse snores doesn’t mean the wife should have to suffer sleep deprivation which can lead to weight gain, diabetes, irritability, cognitive dysfunction, early Alzheimer’s or dementia, loss of energy, irritability, etc. God made our bodies to receive sleep to restore the cells. Not a good idea to mess around with god’s plan for our bodies.

  3. My husband snores terribly and is so frustrating. He did a sleep study about 10 years ago and passed! HOW COULD THAT BE? TOTALLY SHOCKED! But, when he was hooked up to wires sleeping in a strange hospital bed with activity in the halls, he said he didn’t feel like he slept much…and maybe he was trying to not snore so he would pass. lol So fast forward to present, my family say I snore in the recliner and car and I have caught myself breathing shallow right as I drift off to sleep. So, I did the sleep study test at home. My husband slept in the other room so his snoring didn’t keep waking me up. The test showed I had 21 episodes of not breathing. That’s scary. And even more scary is that my husband sleeps so soundly that he didn’t even realize I wasn’t breathing. Between that and my husband snoring, no wonder I am grouchy and sleepy during the day. SO LADIES, take time to check your own sleep. I tried the cpap mask but it’s not easy to adjust to and am still trying to get the crazy thing adjusted. If anyone has tips on these, please let me know. Husband still has not repeated the sleep study at home….

  4. I have trauma from a snoring spouse. The snoring spouse needs to fix the issue. Ear plugs don’t work, drug unit yourself each night doesn’t work, people with tinnitus can’t use ear plugs and the headband Bluetooth speakers to drown out the sound make it worse. Bottomline, they need to do their part too especially after the non snoring person has done everything possible.

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