How Toxic People Can Harm Your Marriage





Toxic people can do major damage to your marriage.

We all can think of at least 3 people in our lives that have caused us more harm than good and for some reason we keep putting up with their behaviors. It’s not that the whole person is toxic. Rather, their behavior is toxic or your relationship with the person is toxic. Many toxic people will use you to make themselves feel better and most likely don’t know how to love and treat others. Toxic people often have a lot of hurt and pain in their own lives, and their unhappiness just seeps into every relationship they have.

Let me tell you about someone near and dear to us who was very toxic to our marriage so it will give you an idea of what we’ve experienced first hand.

We consider a family friend of ours a very “toxic” person; maybe even a narcissist. He only talks about himself, never asking questions about our kids, our jobs and what we do for fun. Somehow every story gets interrupted by him and he never validates our feelings and opinions. He rarely shows up to family events, but when he does, he brings a lot of negative energy that you can just sense. There was a time when he called my very pregnant cousin a B*^%$ all because he lost a friendly game of poker.

I can’t remember a time when life didn’t revolve around him, his needs and his stories. Every time Casey and I would walk away feeling drained, frustrated, irritated, and even angry because of his behavior and it started taking a toll in our marriage. I personally tried reaching out to this sibling but  left our lunch meeting feeling even more drained that ever before and it hit me. He might never change and I won’t be the person to show him how he makes others feel. So about two years ago, we thought long and hard and chose to not have him apart of our lives in this season of life. And it was the hardest and best decision we’ve made. We don’t wish him any harm, and in fact, we want him to thrive and enjoy life to the fullest. He’s a blood relative for goodness sake and we love him. But we had to come to the conclusion that being around him brought our marriage down and it was time to start guarding our marriage.

Maybe you’re like us and you have a sibling that seems to be toxic to your life. Maybe it’s a co-worker, a friend, a neighbor, a mother or father, or maybe it’s your in-laws!

Here are a few examples of toxic people and typical behaviors:

The Liar

We all have been guilty of telling white lies at one time or another, but there are people on this planet that lie all day long about the big and small things. They end up having to cover over the lies over and over again and often times they can’t even remember what the truth looks like. These liars are dishonest, cause you confusion, and cannot be trusted, no matter how many times they tell you, “I promise, I’m telling you the truth.”

The Gossip

These people that gossip often are people who are talking about you behind your back. Gossips have no real friendships bc they speak so poorly about everyone in their lives. They also like drama and prefer to add to the dramatics. Often times a person who gossips has very low self esteem and so they talk bad about others to make themselves feel better. If the gossip is talking bad about other people to you, chances are they are talking bad about you to others.

Ups and Downs

We often say that when you feel like you’re walking on eggs shells around these people, they are bi-polar or have similar characteristics of someone diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Their highs are amazing and the world is a happy place. But their lows are dark and deep and the world is coming to an end. It’s really challenging to be in a relationship with people whom you must walk on eggs shells with every time you see them. One mistake and they blow up! One “wrong” thing said, and the day is ruined. They can make you feel like nothing you say and do is right.

The Negative

This person could be classified as the Debbie Downer. They can always find something to complain about.  They don’t look at the glass half full, heck they look at an empty glass 24/7.  Their minds focus so much on the weaknesses and mistakes of others that it consumes their heart and soul. No matter how happy everyone is around them, they can still find something to complain about.

The Topper

The topper likes to make sure everyone knows that he/she has been there, done that, seen this, accomplished that and even better than you. These toppers do not validate feelings and emotions you will share with them. Many times toppers are insecure and use it as a way of making themselves feel better by proving to you that they’re amazing!

The Insecure

People who need constant praise, affirmation, love, attention can be extremely draining. This is a person who takes it personally if you don’t call them every day or invite them to every gathering you have. Conversations tend to always be about them and what they’ve accomplished because they thrive on wanting to find security and they put their own insecurities onto everyone else.

So what do we do with these toxic people that are apart of our lives? We believe we all have 3 options:

First.. and really this is for every person in your life that’s draining:

Put up healthy boundaries!

If you know someone has toxic behaviors, then limit how much time you spend with them. If they are not safe people, be careful with how much personal information you tell them. Remember that any person who drains you often, or you feel limits you from being a better person, should only be around you and your family every once in awhile.

Confront the person about the specific behavior they show around you.

You have to be very careful with how you approach him or her. You never want to come across judgmental and many times toxic people can put up walls to protect themselves from being hurt. A good way is to say the “When you … I feel …” statements. For example, “When you have a really bad day, it makes me feel like I’m walking on egg shells,which makes me feel nervous and anxious to be around you.”

Sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.

You might need to consider cutting them out from your life for a season. You can love the person, but you do not have to put up with their behaviors, especially if it effects your marriage and family in a negative way. This sounds harsh, we know, but we’ve had to go through this personally and it was the hardest but best decision we made for our marriage. Guard your marriage with everything you’ve got, even if it means getting rid of a toxic person.

connection Challenge

Take a few minutes and write down a couple people in your life that drain you or keep you from growing. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does this person encourage me to be a better person?

  • Does this person build me up or tear me down?

  • When I’m around this person, I usually feel ______ ?

  • Is this person making me a better spouse?

If you don’t like the answers to the questions, then its time to start thinking about your relationship with these people and create healthy boundaries. We know its scary to confront and change things around in relationships, but your marriage is the most important relationship you’re ever going to have on earth so do what is necessary for your marriage to thrive.

Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino and have lunch with Brené Brown.

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48 thoughts on “How Toxic People Can Harm Your Marriage”

  1. What if your spouse is the toxic one? Ups and downs, the insecure and the negative all fit her personality. I do have two toddlers with this person. Should I move forward and buy a home with her or something else? Any advice will help as I asked God for help but still at a lost. We’ve been through extensive biblical groups to help marriage to no avail. Married 4 years.

    1. Timothy, I’m sorry to hear about this. When your spouse has toxic behaviors, our first piece of advice is to talk with them about it. Let them know how it makes you feel when they say or act a certain way. Ask them if they recognize the behaviors. If they admit to it, encourage them to seek professional help with a counselor. If your spouse is in denial and can’t see the pain they are causing, then it’s time to go to a counselor together. This must be a marriage and family therapist. Not a friend, church group, mentor, life coach, etc. An MFT will give you the tools you both need to work through the toxic behavior. We also highly recommend a marriage boot camp we went to years ago that deals with toxic behaviors and much more. Here’s the link: us posted

  2. I’m with Tim, the other commenter here. My spouse is “The Negative” and we have friends who do not visit as often because they cannot tolerate the negativity. They’ve told me how they feel and feel badly that they don’t get to spend time with me. A counselor once told me he was ego-centric and self-indulgent. What do I do now? We’ve tried counseling, I’ve tried to talk with him about certain behaviors, our son has brought up his negative and explosive behaviors in a positive and healthy way – all results in – no change. 🙁

    1. Vicki,Does your husband see his negativity as a bad thing? Do you think he sees how his negativity is affecting you and your friends and son? Why do you think he’s negative? Was he that way when you dated?

    1. I been feeling that my husband been seeing amy Estrada a girl I meat last year she was not happy a single woman with a doughter she told me her story how her baby father will sleep a round with a girl and sleep with her and know I feel that my husband as done it with her but that’s just a feeling I feel she left her toxic with us so much has happened that shouldn’t have I had dream feelings I cry ed but I have ask my husband and he said he will never do that with her she no good and he don’t want to catch anything but I keep having dreams and feeling it comes and go can someone tell me why I know I suppose to believe my husband than the toxic she left know she don’t want to be friend with me that what also make me think but I really don’t need friends like that

  3. I love reading this! I can say I was in the same situation with my side of the family. Mostly my whole family lives in one big house and its my grandparents house. They are some what old fashion. So you got to watch what you say, and do. My grandmother is like the leader, especially in her marriage. My mom and aunts are all single. I’m the only granddaughter who is married( age19) I’m 26 years old now. I had a lot of ups and downs through out my marriage especially in the beginning since we were so young. I would get advice from my family and I believe that was a biggest mistake knowing the fact t hat no one in my family was married and the way my grandparents marriage was one person leading (my way or the highway). Its going to be 8 years being married to my high school sweetheart. Now I focus on My family and we do our own thing and it being that way is a thousand times better. My husband is in the military so we live in Washington state and I want this to be a permanent living for us. Knowing that our marriage is healthy and we don’t get any negative touch out here. when we were station back in our hometown it wasn’t really great because when my family would have gathering they always tend to find a problem with my husband “He doesn’t talk” “oh he said this” he is rude” etc….. So I don’t really like to visit as often or anyone visiting us. is that wrong? is being apart from them a bad thing?

    1. Cindy… sounds a bit like my family too. Boundaries are about PROTECTING and PRIORITIZING your marriage. If they are constantly trying to tear down your marriage, rather than build, encourage, or support… it’s time to put up healthy boundaries. Sounds like in the past 8 years you’ve had the opportunity to create your specific and unique identity in your marriage relationship. Anyone, (family or friends) trying to pull that apart needs to have healthy distance, emotionally and sometimes physically.Meygan and I have had to do this with family members in the past. I actually had one member come up to me and tell me that Meygan spells divorce. Obviously we created a healthy distance in order to PROTECT what we were creating, especially in those early years (I was 23, Meygan was 21). That person now comes to family events, but with our identity secure, we know how to shut down any negative comments and discouragements. Hope this helps…

  4. My mother can be toxic. She gives unwanted advice and makes harsh and rude comments. She can be mean. When confronted, she absolutely denies any wrongdoing and escalates the conflict by ignoring emails or hanging up the phone. She will lie and deny that she said something. She takes zero responsibility for these offensive behaviors, and accuses others of being crazy. My mother is an absolute know it all, and freely speaks HER opinions, but doesn’t allow others the same right.
    I’ve had to cut off contact with her because she is so frustrating to deal with!!!

    1. Chloe… I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I’m in the same boat as you. The thing about boundaries is that you are protecting your marriage from others that will drain your batteries. You’re prioritizing your marriage and saving the best of you for the one that counts.

    2. Good for you. My mother was the meanest person I knew and not seeing her was the only solution.

      Been There

  5. I have to say that my husband’s parents can be toxic. My husband had some issues with infidelity, lying and hiding things and he actually left our daughter and I to live bsck with his parents in another state after I caught him and confronted him. His parents are not in any way encouraging him to work things out with me. I also have to throw in that I consider my sister also toxic. She has been talking to my mother-in-law on the phone, texting, talking on facebook. My sister is single and has confided in my husband before when she was going through a break up and also turned to my mother-in-law for advice. I choose to not be close to my in-laws since their son has done what he has done and not trying to make an effort. I truly don’t know what to do and can’t be close to my own sister. My husband said the only way we will work is if our daughter and I move to where he is, our daughter does not want to move. My sister will moving to the same state as they are in due to work. I am afraid she will continue a relationship and certain bond with his family. Anything I can do or should I do?

    1. I will also add that his parents have a history of dysfunction. His dad has had drug, alcohol and legal issues in the past and was not in his life the majority of his childhood. Both of his parents are on disability and are not working, he left our daughter and I in June and has not helped us financially (twice since he left). I’m afraid history with his family and he isnt changing. I’m also unsure why my sister is so drawn to his family and she is excited to go to CA and spend time with them from what she said. I’m very upset she has crossed that boundary.

  6. It’s so difficult when it’s your mother who has these bipolar like cycles and a child I adopted who is techancially and biologically my nephew. And she dislikes my husband when she should praise him for stepping up and being not only a provider but a father to our son. I always fall victim to her, and it hurts. I jus want my idea of what a mother should be and she doesn’t meet that. It’s helping that I put absolutely no expectations of her actions…. She is her own person with things that in her life, and I’m an easy target for her to take out her frustration. But I’m tired of used and treated like that, and I’m standing my ground and not taking things personally that she says. I won’t let her have control over me and my family. I don’t look for praise in this situation, but I sure don’t look for any shit about my parenting the blessing of a child who needed me.

    1. Sunni… Healthy boundaries are about protecting your marriage from outside forces. We’ve had our share of friends and family that have spoken negatively about what we are accomplishing. Your marriage is so more important than their feelings. Prioritize your marriage by drawing a line in the sand with that toxic behavior. We’ve done it before. I’ve noticed in my own life that I teach people how to treat me. When I finally stood up for myself, I was surprised how things changed in the relationship. Hold fast to your marriage. It means a ton to your kids and your husband!

  7. I love this blog. Makes me really think about the toxic people in my life. My husband was considering a divorce and one of the reasons was my sister. She always has to be right about everything and always brings people down. She always calls me stupid. She has called me worse names that I would not like to say. I hate conflict, but I know that something has to change. She is 20 years old, and has to go with my husband and I everywhere we go. If we need to go to the store, she wants to go. I don’t have the heart to tell her no, but that is what my husband wants. I need help with how to talk to her without her being really really mad at me. It is not healthy for our marriage at all.

    1. I am so sorry you are struggling like that with your sister. It’s hard when it’s family that is causing the issue and even harder when it’s a family member like a sister or brother. There is no exact way to tell you to handle this because each person is different and responds in different ways. The thought that came to my mind is “is it worth loosing the man you love?”If she is the one that is negative then she is going to get upset no matter what you do or say. People who are like this will always find a reason to be upset. We do Celebrate Recovery at our church and one point that gets made is that there are people who are addicted to problems. They don’t feel “normal” if they aren’t mad at someone or down about something. When you have someone like this you have to see that no matter what you do at some point she will not be happy either way.
      What is your marriage worth to you? She will learn to get over it the more boundaries you put. Your husband however, will start to see that her feelings come first for the most part and that it is more important than him and that is a tough thing to work through (though it can be done).
      Please sit back and analyze your priorities and work as a team to solve this issue.
      I will be praying for you because I know this is not easy.

  8. This is an interesting read and really hits home- I have a sibling that is extremely impulsive and narcissistic. She has divorced and remarried all in a matter of months. Her behavior is difficult for my husband and I and our kids…. Who she is very critical of. My parents just want to go on like nothing has happened because they fear making her mad. Ring to take what you have said and really think about it.

  9. We are having this issue as we speak with our inlaws. I try to be conscious and try not to take things to personally but they find every way to tear us down. Nothing we do from, our parenting, to purchasing our first home without their “approval”. To me it seems like they want us to be begging for help all the time like my step mother in laws children do who are into drugs and drinking when my husband and I are making it just fine on our own. Backhanded compliments, calling when we haven’t been over for two weekends in a row, to even making comments recently about us getting a divorce, and my poor husband takes the brunt of it all and can’t seem to stand up for our relationship, and our family. My husband tells me all these things that they say and do and I’ve already broken down and told them how we feel and even though my husband didn’t back me up on it they still do these things. I’ve told them they are more than welcome to come to our home any time and when we invite them places they don’t show or they make up some excuse and I’m mentally and emotionally drained over all of this. Today they were supposed to come get our child and my husband asked them last night what time they were coming to get her (no response) called and texted this morning to find out the time response a picture of my mil on a couch. My father came over and I decide to go with him and my child and my phone died on the way and they called when they were on their way to pick her up not telling me a time so I could get her ready or anything. It’s my fault in a way because I should have called to have been sure but with two attempts to find out I was over it and wanted to spend time with my father and child. So now they are angry saying I do not like them and making my husband feel bad all because they didn’t give me an answer. I try and try to be nice but after all they do to us the degrading of my husband, how my child is spoiled, and how I’m a horrible mother I’ve had my fill. My husband always wants us to talk things out and we have but it never changes.. He just keeps pushing me.. If I choose to not be around people who put me down then I shouldn’t have to be family or not. I feel if he wants to see them he’s more than welcome but I don’t wish to. They drink heavily, smoke marijuana, and I don’t approve of being around that, my child being around that either… I wish my husband would just cut ties with them for awhile until things change. I don’t know how our talk tomorrow will go I’m sure I’m going to be under fire from both sides because my husband always does this but I cannot deal with the negativity and leaving their home everytime and crying. My husband doesn’t deserve to be treated the way they do him, we are good Christian people, we don’t drink or do drugs, and I’ve prayed and prayed about it and I’m just at a loss on how to handle it. This is really the only problem we ever have is when it comes to them.. Im considering counseling for myself to gain my confidence back and to figure out a way to cope with their negativity that’s rubbing off onto me and making me depressed and fearful in my marriage…

  10. unfortunately for me and my husband the toxic person is his sister. thankfully she doesn’t live in the same state but holidays are horrible. Things always have to be her way and when she does something wrong and we have to fix it she complains to everyone and lies about how I’m a b****. Ughh

    1. For me my husband’s sisters & niece have ganged up on me for the past couple years. My health has been bad & I have had been going through some things. So during this time they have been poisoning his mind & when he complains they add fuel & it has exploded. They have encouraged an affair & everyone including my kids new about it. When I am around they act loving but then I see the evil text msg or emails. It hurts so bad I can’t breath.

  11. Well I’m glad I’m not the only one. My inlaws (the whole damn family) r the toxic ones, and through almost 20 years of emotional abuse, my hubby has realized that I’m not making it up. My MIL is a liar, topper, gossip, Debbie downer, but she will never reveal it until her world crashes (which doesn’t take much… Unless we don’t give her $$, etc). She has belittled me infront of my kids (12, 8 & 7), infront of her family and around really anyone who comes over while I’m there. She and her hub had my hubby when they were still kids, so of course we never hear the end of how hard it was and how much they sacrificed for their kids (4 in total)… But they didn’t raise their kids… Her mother did (another topper whose perfection can’t be matched). We live in a small hamlet where everyone is pretty much related, and there is nothing but liars, thieves, druggies and negative people around here. They do nothing but complain about life, how no one gives them a job (who would?) and cut anyone down who wants to do well or something important with their lives. We live beside the lake, so I don’t want to move… But…

  12. I can truly identify! Sad thing, I had EVERYONE of those toxins in my life and marriage. I kept wondering why does it seem like my marriage is falling apart. Once I started eliminating these toxic people (keeping my distance, as well as my mouth shut about my marriage) things got better. Being able to sit down and talk to my husband about whatever is going on is less stressful. Great article!

  13. Love this! My mom is a very toxic human being so my husband and I have no relationship with her. I also just eliminated a toxic friend from my life because she was causing issues in my marriage. It’s so important to surround yourself with positive and supportive people!

  14. My parents are extremely toxic. They make comments about my husband. Who is absolutely wonderful. They ignore my daughter. But obsess over my son. Even calling him their boy. They have always favored my brother over me. And now they are doing it to my daughter. Sick.
    They have made comments about hoping I get sick so they get my son. Also calling me whore and slut to my kids. I am broken by them.

  15. The toxic person I really don’t want any more contact with is my sister in law. We moved 135miles to settle near my husband’s family and to tell you the truth I just want to go back because I can’t handle my sister in law’s gossip. She continually criticises her son’s partner in front of me, my husband, her son, her grandchildren and she seems to be driving a wedge between her son’s partner and her granddaughter. It drives me crazy. No one will tell her that it is unnacceptable to behave in this way. Every time I meet someone from her town they ask seem to know all my private business and my parent’s business! I am fuming. I am a very private person. On top of that she adds drama to every situation and it is stressing me out. What is worse – I have told my husband how I feel and he says I am the unreasonable one and he tells his sister things that I would prefer he didn’t such as divulging what we do with our money etc. Help!!

  16. My question is I have an anxiety disorder so I tend to try and keep to myself however my inlaws are super toxic and when push comes to shove my spouse thinks I need to be around them since that’s their parents and sister. How do you make them understand that they are not safe to be around with out making your spouse feel like they are stuck in the middle

  17. What if my wife is all of the above and in denial about it, projects her own toxicities onto me, triangulates me with another lover and lies to me about it, convinces herself that I’m the one with the problem and in denial about it, posts about it on this page, anonymously, the day before reading me a rehearsed dumping speech designed to inflict maximum damage to my self-esteem, manipulating me into involuntarily producing toxic self-destructive behaviors towards others, causing them to question who really is the victim here.
    Eh, could just be a coincidence.

  18. I have a husband who seems to be a control freak, always accusing me of things I’m not doing. He lies to me about pointless things, he tells me one thing and does another. It seems like if something happens he wants to blame me for it, he twists my words around and he tells me I’m wrong if I tell him how I feel about something. He has a son who is an adult with an addiction to meth and the son has stole from us, brought untrustworthy people to the house he tells me he’s sick of the shit with his son and he don’t want him here but he’s still around, he gives him money, let’s him drive his truck and the son has no license it seems like he enables him. Normally they get into a big argument then his son don’t cone around for a while. My husband is always asking my opinion then but I don’t feel it really means anything to him BC he just does what he wants and or I don’t make any sense. He talks on the phone with his sons mom for hours but says he don’t want to. I just don’t know what to do my husband won’t go to counseling. He talks crap about my 7&8 year olds tries to compare them to his son I believe when they are misbehaving. That’s some of what I deal with.

  19. Loved it article.
    In our case, it was the mother. I.e. my mother-in-law.

    We took steps which exactly matches with you. We confronted, pin pointed, specified – did not work. She is so full of herself that it felt like we were talking to a wall.

    We did put up boundaries which were invariably being intruded.

    Then we took that hard call. Cut the cord. I am absolutely grateful that my husband had been so brave so strong yet so unbiased. He did what was necessary for our marriage. I still sometime feel guilty but he stands strong since we do not have any bad wish for her.

    Now after being distant, we can see more and more clearly how things moved, manipulated and how our joy was being stolen leaving both of us completely drained and hence irritable with each other.

    It was high time we took that tough call and are grateful that we could.

    1. I hope things have improved for you in your situation! I find being born in US but expected to follow indian values to be difficult at times!!

      I also struggle with my husband’s intense love for his family. He now resents me for it after 7 years of marriage.. however in my case, my brother cut me off from seeing or ever meeting my niece. Years ago, my immediate family cared and tried to reconcile us but he refuses to this day to budge.

      I have painfully learned to accept that I no longer have a brother for the sake of my marriage etc. As painful as this has been for me, my mother in law/sister in law ignore and never care to ask about it as they only care if their son/brother dotes on them. I am truly lost and feel like I have no one anymore.

  20. I was so happy to find this blog.In our case the toxic person is my husband’s sister. When she is down she dishes it out and burns budget and then next time you see her she all loving and doing favors. She’s even put my husband in uncomfortable situations. She constantly tries to get him to drink when she knows he no longer does. My husband won’t put his foot down. I’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t handle the problem.

    1. Wow! Your sister in law sounds like she’s related to my sister in law. Mine is the sister in law from hell. She’s phoney, a lier, sleeps with other ppls husbands, a pill popper and ….. just a true wacko

  21. My toxic person is my family and my husband. They all have all of those behaviors. I am currently going through a divorce because my husband listens to everyone but me. He is a foster kid and is very broken before we got together. He hid a lot of his negative behavior. He is a victim of crime also. Just one horrible event after another. I can’t believe this is my life. My daughter and I nursed him back to health and now he wants a divorce after 3 years. We haven’t had sex either in 3 years. I’m so heart broken. I didn’t see that he would listen to my family and give up so easily.

  22. My husband’s mother and father were cut out of our lives completely after our daughter was born due to their behaviors. Now, five years later, he is wanting to attempt to make amends. However, I feel that I have to protect my children from them. Almost every time they would get upset, they would threaten to kill themselves. His father literally attempted to hit our car with his truck (which had our one year old in the back) because he was mad that we decided to cut him out. I’ve lived in fear of running into them for five years and resent them for everything that they have put us through. Just three months ago, my husband ran into him at a restaurant and his father made threats to physically assault him. His mother, I found out recently, created a fake facebook profile to steal pictures of my daughters and has them in her house and on her facebook. I would never ask my husband to choose between me and them, but being a social worker, I know that people with mental illness do not wake up one day cured. I’m worried that this decision my husband is making is only going to hurt him and our marriage. I have told him that I do not want to subject my children to their behaviors, and he says he respects that, but I can’t help but worry. They have lied about him and me to almost every person we know. It is difficult to think about him being around people who do not want our marriage to work, even if it is his family. It is also important to note that he during the time that he deciding to talk to them, we were in a bad spot in our marriage. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  23. Unfortunately it’s a lot simpler when it is not your immediate family and it is even more complicated if you marry into a family that was raised by a narcissist parent. ☹️☹️

    1. Much agreed. My husband constantly seeks validation from his siblings who are all wack jobs. It drives me up a wall. I don’t trust his siblings nor do I want to be around them

  24. Really Great read! Even thoe comments! I think its time to pack up and go! too much toxicity killed the cat!

  25. I love my husband. I like to stay as private about our marriage as possible for sure. If i had anything to talk to him about, i would. I certainly don’t need other people butting in. I hate it.

  26. Wife always hated others knowing our business. Now she involves her co workers and friends which ruined our marriage. Aside from her financially and emotionally abusing me for 2 years. She had alianated our daughter and when I filed temporary custody she is going for domestic and restraining. Now divorce. She is supposed to be catholic but others I feel have brainwashed her.

    Do I love her? Yes I do. Would I take her back? Yes with a clause written up.
    Do I want our daughter full time? Yes I do but I want mother to stay in her life.
    Do I feel she is doing this to hurt me? Yes I do but it’s also hurting our daughter just as much.

  27. I truly enjoy receiving my Monday topic of M-365. My wife and I really want our marriage to work. There seems to be SO MANY things we need to repair OR replace due to SO MANY years of neglect and emotional abuse. Layers upon layers. Much neglect I readily admit caused by me. I have as you faithfully preach, been "working on myself " and the changes I see in myself, feel within, and the energy I am able to give off is without measure. My wife told me, "if you do this [a list] our marriage will be great".. I have spent the last year doing just that truly believing it was that easy.i have never commented on a blog or shared this with any other than my counselor. My wife has promised she also would get help, but I had to prove I wanted our marriage by taking the 1st step. The impass I am at now seems to be connected to this article. What if the toxic person is your spouse? She is negative, she tears down verbally, she is in end of the world mode seems to be all the time. When she is happy it’s wonderful, but can and will change with a single word or action. Walking on egg shells is a mild way to state it for me and the kids. I stress for our kids because I go to work and have reprieve. I forward these articles to her, ask to discuss them. I will continue to make myself better inside and out. I’m very lost. Sad reality but seeing I’m not alone and having tools to make me more of man is what I need and given via these blogs. TY for letting me share. A little thing as typing and reading out loud how one feels is so huge!!! 🙂

  28. My FIL is a narcissist who expects my MIL to do as she’s told. Every weekend he makes the agenda and if my MIL objects he calls her a dumb bitch and forces her to comply. My MIL coerces my wife into attending every event so that she’s not alone and it has ruined out marriage. My wife told our counselor that her mother and I are equal priorities. The counselor said that I should be a higher priority. My wife has filled for divorce.

    1. I am so sorry to hear your situation. My spouse and I are going through a falling out due to his parents and sister. It’s heartbreaking and shocking. I’m sorry we are all going though this

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