At first, it felt like a dream.
Rachel came home to a day at the spa already booked. Rose petals on the bed. A handwritten note. A new necklace she had once mentioned in passing – and he remembered. And just like that, the tension in her marriage softened.
Her husband, Dave, had messed up. Again. It wasn’t a massive betrayal like an affair, but small, repeated breaches of trust – little lies, defensive reactions, broken promises. Now, instead of facing the issue, Dave kept falling into the same pattern: showering Rachel with gifts instead of doing the real work of rebuilding trust.
At first, the surprises made Rachel feel seen, desired, and reassured. But as time went on, the cycle became obvious: every time Dave let her down, he would try to erase the pain with gifts, trips, chocolates, or flowers. The problem? He wasn’t actually changing.
This is what we call love bombing in marriage.
What Is Love Bombing in Marriage?
Most people think love bombing only happens in dating – when someone overwhelms you with affection, gifts, and attention to manipulate or fast-track intimacy. But love bombing doesn’t end at “I do.” It often shows up in marriages, too.
Love bombing in marriage can look like:
- Excessive gifts after a fight
- Grand gestures instead of a real apology
- Over-the-top affection used to avoid accountability
- Saying “I’ll make it up to you” with no lasting change
While it may create a temporary emotional high, it tricks you into overlooking broken trust and unhealthy patterns.
Why Is Love Bombing a Problem?
Love bombing might feel good in the moment, but over time it erodes emotional safety and trust. A spouse on the receiving end often feels:
- Confused – “Is this real love or manipulation?”
- Disconnected – “He doesn’t understand how deeply I’m hurt.”
- Disrespected – “He thinks I can be bought off.”
- Distrustful – even of the good moments, because they no longer feel genuine.
Real love doesn’t say, “I’ll cover this up with stuff.”
Real love says, “I hurt you, and I want to understand how.”
It says, “Let’s get help so I don’t keep repeating this pattern.”
It says, “I’ll do the hard work to rebuild trust.”
How to Recognize Love Bombing in Your Marriage
If this sounds familiar, ask yourself these questions:
- Do I feel emotionally safe, or just temporarily distracted?
- Do their actions truly match their words?
- Am I letting gifts replace accountability?
- Does my spouse even know how to repair the marriage in a healthy way?
Healthy love doesn’t skip the hard work. Gifts, dates, and surprises are beautiful expressions of love – but not when used as a cover-up for broken trust.
Your Next Steps
Love bombing is not love. It’s a shortcut. And shortcuts never lead to real connection.
If you’ve recognized this cycle in your marriage, we invite you to:
- Watch our VIDEO ON LOVE BOMBING in Marriage inside our membership.
- Take our BETTER BOUNDARIES COURSE to learn how to teach your spouse what healthy repair looks like.
- Meet with one of our COACHES to create a clear plan for addressing love bombing in your relationship.
You deserve more than gifts. You deserve trust, safety, and real love.
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.
