Meet Brian who is working on his marriage alone. He met his wife in college in a graphic design class – but he was her teacher! It was definitely love at first sight and 3 years later they were married. Hear his story and learn what he is doing. (And for those of you wondering, she did get an A+ in the class!)

WHAT MADE YOU JOIN MEMBERSHIP?

It’s not a happy story and if I could go back I would. So I’m working full time at the college and my wife is home with our 3 kids… and we just grew apart, very slowly over time. One day she looked at me and said “I think we should separate”. I was shocked! My world was crushed. I knew we had problems but I didn’t think they were that bad. 

She ended up asking me to stay in our guest house and it forced me to wake up and realize that she had been asking in many different ways and at many different times for us to connect, go to therapy, get help – but I avoided it and was always too busy with work to really listen. 

So pain is really what motivated me to join if I’m being honest. 

WHAT CHANGES HAVE YOU SEEN IN YOURSELF SINCE JOINING MEMBERSHIP? 

The biggest change for me has been my own self-awareness. I had no clue who I was, why I did things I did, or why I responded the way I did during arguments, and I had zero emotional intelligence. 

Like Casey says – our culture does not raise up healthy men who then become husbands and fathers. This was all too true with myself.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT MEMBERSHIP?

As a graphic designer, I’m a visual learner so I have printed up every worksheet you have and they’re all over my house and office. I have screenshots of them on my phone too. They’ve really helped me  in all areas of my life. 

WHAT IS SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE OR MARRIAGE YOU’RE WORKING ON RIGHT NOW?

Honestly, I’m working on rebuilding trust with my wife because we’re still separated. It’s been 4 months and I haven’t lost hope because I know I have to work on myself no matter what. 

I’m working on being a better communicator and putting drops in her trust bucket. 

The video 3 STEPS TO RESTORE TRUST was my kickstart in all of this and gave me the inspiration and first steps I needed. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY INSIGHTS YOU THINK COULD BE HELPFUL TO OUR MEMBERS? 

If you’re a parent, consider using these tools with your kids because what Casey and Meygan are teaching doesn’t just relate to couples, but works with all relationships, especially your children. I started giving my kids 4-step apologies when I would mess up and started having them use the FEELINGS WORD LIST worksheet when I could tell they were upset. We also use the connecting questions for families book every day on the way to school or on our way to sports.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS DISCOURAGED AND STRUGGLING IN THEIR MARRIAGE? 

I thought about this question for some time because honestly, I was that struggling and discouraged husband. I think I would encourage you to admit your faults and take a good look at how you’ve been showing up in your marriage. I told myself that I was fine and that nobody is perfect, and my wife was way out of line but with the separation. After using membership I have so many things I need to work on and now I have compassion for my wife and see why she asked me to leave. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE YOU’D GIVE TO A MEMBER DOING MEMBERSHIP ON THEIR OWN?

So as far as I know my wife doesn’t log in much or has barely used the membership. At first, it really bothered me, but that was keeping me in a really bad space mentally and just fueled my anger so I had to let it go and focus on what you guys say often – If you want to make a better marriage, make a better you. I had to make a better me. First, for myself and my own sanity. Then for my kids. I hope my wife can see the change in time but no matter what happens to us, I’ve done a 180 in these last couple of months and I know I couldn’t have done that without your help. Your membership was the wake-up call I desperately needed. Your videos and tools and techniques – they work! 

So if you’re doing this by yourself, don’t let your spouse’s lack of effort be the reason you stop healing. You’re not doing this for them – you’re doing this for you.