Meet Dillion and Christine… longtime members who have been married 8 years and have 3 children all under the age of 6!! They met at UC Santa Cruz as freshmen living in the dorms and were great friends for the first 2½ years, and then they weren’t 😉 All of a sudden they saw each other in a romantic way and started dating, got engaged at graduation, and soon after got married. They shared the same goals and  wanted a big family so they had kids right away. Hear their story through the questions we asked them below…

How did you hear about marriage365?

We’re pretty sure we heard about you on Instagram, but it was definitely during Covid! Here we were, going about our days with 3 young kids, doing what needs to be done, and doing a pretty good job at that. All of a sudden the world as we knew it stopped. The “distractions” of working and raising children had changed and we quickly realized we didn’t really know each other anymore. We had a kid-centered marriage and didn’t even know it. They were the center of our world, and while we love our kids more than anything, we had completely neglected our own relationship. As you both say often, we were living like roommates, we were exhausted, we didn’t really have a community, and we basically felt isolated. It wasn’t a hard decision to join membership because our marriage was important to us as well as the well-being of our children. 

What is one area you’ve focused on in repairing your marriage since becoming a member? 

Ummmm, besides everything… EVERYTHING lol! We definitely had a lot of areas to work on and felt a bit lost about what to start on first. Thanks to your suggestion, the first thing we did was to watch the Weekly Marriage Business Meeting video and then do the worksheet every week, which really helped our communication. The 60-Second Blessing was the next thing we did. Our marriage had become very transactional and there were not a lot of words of affirmation and love happening. When we were dating, we were so good at this – but with the busyness of our lives, this was pushed to the side. We needed these words of love, we both respond to positive affirmations – so this habit was huge for the both of us and had/has great results.

What is your favorite thing about membership?

The thing that is really helpful for us is the worksheets. We have printed them all and keep them in a notebook – and I’ll tell you what… they work when you use them. The Couples Monthly Check-In is another worksheet that we use often – it keeps us on track with each other. 

Something we’ve been doing for a little over a year now is once a week after the kids go to bed, we take turns picking a video. We get popcorn and make it an in-home date night. We go through a couple of the connecting questions after the video and then use the rest throughout the week to keep the conversation going. We’ve noticed if we don’t do this, we quickly fall back into our old patterns of living like roommates and just kinda co-parenting. This habit has helped to keep us accountable in prioritizing our marriage. 

What would you tell a member who has children and is struggling in their marriage because of the busyness of kids’ sports, activities, diapers, and nap times, and is in a similar situation as you? 

I would tell that person that if they continue to put their marriage second and focus only on the kids – they will grow apart and fall out of love, and you won’t even notice it because you’ve been so busy being good parents. Some of our friends divorced a while back and are co-parenting and it’s been a nightmare for both of them. Their pain and frustration has motivated us to make time for each other and when we do, we definitely feel closer. We feel happier. We can work through conflict faster now that we have the tools. Before this, we didn’t really know what we were doing or how to fix it. 

Dillion – use the membership you chose to sign up for. No one forced you or made you do this. You signed up for a reason and don’t forget that reason. There are weeks where we just spend maybe 5-10 minutes, but that time is better than nothing.

Is there anything else you want to share? 

Tell everyone you know about membership! It seems like there are so many hurting couples  who are embarrassed to talk about it – we kind of were.  They won’t ask for help,  they are lonely and struggling and no one knows but the two of them. We know firsthand that if they continue to avoid and feel stuck, then the idea of fixing their marriage will become so overwhelming that they won’t do anything. Most couples think therapy is the ONLY option if they’re stuck and you guys offer a very helpful and different approach that I think works for ALL couples, not just the hurting ones. 

People have noticed the change in our relationship. We are living proof of what membership can do for you, and we tell everyone about it. This is life-changing and we will be lifetime members because of it.