Tristan and Vanessa Marquez met working at Target of all places and have been together for over 20 years. They actually were not allowed to date at first because of the positions they held at Target, but they soon figured out how to work around that. Their first years of marriage came with some financial struggles (whose don’t?) but relationally they were doing pretty well. They described those early years as ‘flying by the seat of their pants’ trying to figure this marriage thing out!

About 8 years into their marriage things were rough and they decided to separate, finding themselves again ‘flying by the seat of their pants’ as they navigated separation. Luckily they knew quickly this was not what they wanted and were able to begin working through this time and reconciled 13 months later.

Learn more about Tristan and Vanessa and their marriage journey…

HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MARRIAGE365?

Vanessa – While we were separated I started googling “right way to separate” and “next steps in a separation” and came across a YouTube video from Marriage365. So I watched it and watched another, and another… and was sold! You and Casey were so relatable… I would think to myself “Oh my gosh, this is so us!” At this time there was no Marriage365 Membership, only YouTube videos and monthly live events that we would join. #teammarquezOG

Tristan – When we were separated, I was VERY anti-marriage counseling and refused to allow that to be an option for us. Vanessa shared one of the videos with me and I thought ok this is a normal couple. My mom raised me with the mindset of ‘you can’t knock it til you try it’ – so I couldn’t say no until I had a reason to say no.

WHAT HAS CHANGED/IMPROVED SINCE LEARNING ABOUT MARRIAGE365?

Vanessa – Literally EVERYTHING has changed (she says with a giggle). Neither of us had the greatest examples growing up. Tristan was raised by a single mom and I came from a blended family. We were never shown the behind-the-scenes hard parts of marriage and had no idea how to work through them. Our communication with each other and with others is so much better. All of these tools help us on a daily basis.

Tristan – We’ve learned how to communicate properly. Vanessa is an individual with her own feelings that are different from mine and not everyone thinks like I do. I use the 4-step apology a lot lol. The things we’ve learned not only help our marriage but also affect our kids. The way we treat and talk to each other, we are modeling and teaching our kids healthy behaviors.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE MOST ABOUT MEMBERSHIP?

Vanessa – I love the Connecting Questions. I love knowing that after 20 years together we still have things to talk about and connect on. I would sometimes wonder if I had anything to talk about besides my kids and work. I’ve learned that I do! Before Marriage365 we had been on auto-pilot for so long – and realized nobody was driving anymore. We are aware of this, we’re afraid of this, and we never want to go back there. I like that your videos are about things you and Casey have gone through, and when it’s not you bring in an expert to walk you through it. I also really like it when Casey films a video because I like getting a man’s point of view. It helps me understand where Tristan is coming from.

Tristan – I like the Connecting Questions and Date Night Ideas Worksheets. I would always think that date nights were fancy and complicated.  I learned that it can be simple, I liked one of the suggestions on one of the worksheets to volunteer at a soup kitchen – something I would have never thought of, let alone think it was a date. We like to take a photo of the questions so when we are on a date, we can take a look and have a great connecting conversation. I remember in the old days watching you and Casey get a little heated in your discussions and then you would pull Casey back on track. It made me laugh and I could always relate to that. Also, when I’m watching a video Casey will say exactly what I’m thinking but have a hard time putting into words. I will literally pause the video and tell Vanessa – there – that’s what I’m feeling. 

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A MEMBER WHO’S STRUGGLING IN THEIR MARRIAGE?

Vanessa – Be patient, change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s OK to mess up. Even though we know how to communicate and apologize for the most part, we still mess up. We don’t always apologize correctly and we don’t always communicate in love – and that’s OK as long as we recognize it and make changes the next time. 

Tristan –  Guys are simple. Be open-minded. Don’t be a jerk. Don’t be so hard-headed thinking you’re right about everything because most likely you’re not. In marriage it’s not I’m right and everyone else is wrong. It’s I might be right and she might be right too.Tristan and

Vanessa – This picture was taken at the Cabo Couples Retreat in 2020 where we met you two. Marriage 365 has had such an impact in our lives and we keep this picture up as a daily reminder to always put in effort for our marriage. Autopilot doesn’t work as we have learned.