Most Wednesday nights, we have sex. Why Wednesdays, you ask? Because our teenagers are out of the house, and we have a two-hour window to enjoy some uninterrupted time together. #HumpDay. But last Wednesday, I was wiped. Like, barely-keeping-my-eyes-open exhausted. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with my husband—I still find him incredibly attractive—but getting in the mood felt impossible. I was too tired for sex!
I know I’m not alone in this. Many couples want to stay connected but struggle with exhaustion. Finding balance is key, so I’ve put together four practical ways to maintain intimacy—even when you’re too tired for sex.
1. Intimacy Without Sex
Physical closeness doesn’t always have to mean sex. Try:
✔ Back rubs
✔ Holding hands
✔ Cuddling before falling asleep
Intimacy is about connection, and these small gestures can still make you feel close.
2. Schedule It
Yes, we’re big advocates for scheduling sex! Why? Because it ensures that intimacy remains a priority. A planned, stress-free night is better than no intimacy at all.
💡 Pro tip: If you’re too tired tonight, pick a date in the next few days. Anticipation can make it even more exciting!
3. Connect Emotionally
Tiredness is temporary, but emotional intimacy lasts. Strengthen your bond by:
✔ Taking a walk together
✔ Playing a board game
✔ Using our book, 365 Connecting Questions for Couples
Just because you’re not in the mood for sex doesn’t mean you have to retreat to separate corners. This approach has been a game-changer for our marriage!
4. Have a Quickie
Let go of the idea that intimacy has to be long or “perfect.” Quick, playful sex can be just as meaningful. Sometimes, two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven! 😉
Next Steps: Reflect & Reconnect
Take a few minutes to answer these questions—alone or with your spouse:
🛏 Are you tired often, sometimes, or rarely? Why?
💡 Has exhaustion impacted other areas of your life?
🔋 Where can you conserve energy to have more for your marriage?
Prioritizing intimacy, even in small ways, keeps your marriage strong—no matter how tired you are. ❤️
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.
