What To Do If You Have A Sexless or Low-Sex Marriage

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We’ve never met anyone who wants to be in a sexless marriage, though that is often the reality for many couples we work with.

Some common factors that can keep couples from having sex are:

  • Mismatched sex drives

  • Unresolved conflict

  • Passive-aggressive withholding of sex

  • Boredom

  • Stress

  • Infidelity

  • Childbirth and parenting young kids

  • Erectile Dysfunction

  • Medication side effects

  • Depression

  • History of sexual abuse

  • Infertility

  • Pornography use

  • Criticism in the bedroom

  • Hyper-religious upbringing

  • Anxiety

Or the most common: Not making your marriage a priority!

One thing we want to make sure is that you and your spouse talk through your sex and intimacy expectations aka… have a Naked Conversation because it’s never too late to bring back the passion! We’ve seen couples in their later years of marriage turn things around and feel more intimate and connected than they have for a long time, possibly ever.

Don’t give up on your marriage or on your spouse.

Identify the reasons you and your spouse are in a bad place sexually and talk through some of the questions below. Even if you think you’ve given up, you really haven’t, because you’re reading this.

When you go through these Connecting Questions, remember to stay away from judgment and listen with empathy. Just the topic of sex alone can make many feel embarrassed and ashamed, especially if there is sexual tension.

Take turns asking each other these questions:

  • Why do you think our sex life has taken a back seat?

  • How can we grow in our emotional connection?

  • What does it feel like when I make our sex life a priority?

  • What does it look like when you show me that you are initiating sex? Give me details please.


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8 thoughts on “What To Do If You Have A Sexless or Low-Sex Marriage”

    1. I think that entirely depends on you, as a couple! If you are BOTH satisfied and fulfilled, you’re doing great. If one or both of you feels your time together is too much or insufficient, then you need to tweak it until you both feel loved and connected.

  1. He thinks he might have erectile dysfunction I think he just lost interest in me how can we spice things up

  2. My issue – I want more the 3 -4 times a month and only a quicky — I guess I’m a chick like that – in that I want long LOVE MAKING – not quick hurry Im tired sex… I want to feel desired – loved — I don’t want to feel like a chore — I work long hours and come home and do laundry and dishes – cook and clean — I’m tired too but I make time for US — I hate getting rejected all the time — Im to the point of of Id rather not bring it up and go sexless than get rejected

    1. Hi I feel your pain and Im going through something similiar.
      I hate that everytime I have to initiate sex and he always does something to avoid it.
      Eventually we end up having a big fight about it whilst Im in tears after being rejected by husband he doesnt seem to care about the seriousness of the matter or my emotions.

  3. It’s been over two years since we had sex. Recently I cried out about it. His respond? "I thought you would be used to it by now." Ha what? Hell no, I’m at the point I’m desperate. Gawd.
    Recently we had another conversation, where I really did say our marriage is good as dead. His respond?
    "I don’t do casual relationship. (WHAT?!) You’ve become a stranger now and I’m trying to figure out who you are."
    Well golly sheesh, rejecting my sexual needs and that causes me to withdraw and definently not very physical person where it has got to the point I can’t do anything anymore to Express love. I dont even utter words anymore to say I love him. It’s a lie. He completely ignored me, rejected me, put me down and lives like a bachelor.
    So taking the fact he calls me a stranger, I asked him, "then what can we do to change that?"
    I call him out on it. "Look who’s here, your stranger. Hello."
    Gawd, I don’t know if I wanna fix this marriage though.

  4. We’ve been married almost 3 years and together almost 4. We went from having sex every few days to now maybe 1 time a month or less. My sex drive is high, I know my husbands is too cause he will go jerk off in the bathroom 2 times a day. We do have children so I understand not having sex during the day. But at night unless I initiate it, it won’t happen. Also I basically begged last night before we went to bed cause I’m about to start my monthly and he’s going to be leaving for 3 days for work and he literally didn’t even try anything just turned over played on his phone for 10-15 minutes and fell asleep. I’m at a loss his excuse is usually the kids, but they are in their bedroom. I’m so sexually frustrated and honestly it doesn’t have to be full blown sex I could give him head and him finger me for all I care I just want that connection to come back to what we used to have.

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