When we got married 13 years ago, I honestly thought our love would never fade. There was so much passion, so much spark in our relationship, that we must have been on some kind of love high.
Remember how sweet and passionate things were when you were dating?
I’m sure there was a lot of handholding, kissing, cuddling, date nights, surprises, gifts, and dreaming together. Those were the days when you couldn’t get enough of one another and wanted to spend every waking moment in each other’s arms. I remember one time when we were dating and stayed up talking all night until sunrise. I often think about when we would try to top each other with our mushy and cheesy love notes, and couldn’t keep our hands off each other.
Fast forward past our wedding day and the honeymoon, and now after years of being married, the kids, the bills, the ridiculous piles of laundry, the meetings at work, the never-ending honey-do list…
I’m tired, period.
Maybe you can see yourself in our story. Luckily we like to geek out about marriage so we thought we would brainstorm some quick and easy ideas to reignite your love. But first, let me explain why this is important.
John Gottman, the nation’s leading marriage researcher, suggests that couples wanting to spark romance need to turn towards each other even when they don’t feel like it. Yes… even when they’re exhausted. He notes that friendship is an absolutely essential element to thriving marriages. Friends consistently make bids in their relationships for positive connection and for moments to share.
Here are 16 practical ways for you to turn towards one another:
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Schedule your next date night and don’t tell your spouse the plans. The anticipation will spark a renewed sense of fun.
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Practice the 60 SECOND BLESSING. This is a daily habit of affirming the positive qualities you see in each other for 60 seconds.
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Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day. Trust me, they will appreciate it.
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Make foreplay a priority. Schedule more time on your calendar to make out and other stuff -*wink* – before sex.
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Be affectionate and playful with each other in front of others. It’s nice to flatter each other in private but it’s powerful to compliment your spouse in public.
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Start a new hobby together. Brainstorm some ideas and create a list of shared interests.
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Show appreciation by saying “Thank you” and “I appreciate all you do”. This can go a long way in showing respect to each other.
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Hold hands and take a walk. Nothing gets the blood moving and creative juices flowing like taking a walk around the block.
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Focus on the positive qualities of each other by writing them down and posting them around the house.
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Plan a vacation together… no kids allowed. It doesn’t even have to be extravagant, but time spent alone is so important.
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Dream together because it helps build security. Have you created a dream wall where you jot down your goals or things you want to do together? Go for it!
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Pay attention to your spouse more than you pay attention to your phone and TV. Less screen time and more face time.
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Reminisce about your favorite date nights, wedding day, honeymoon, travels together by pulling out old photos of the two of you.
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Learn something new about your spouse. Ask open-ended questions.
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Buy some new board games and have a game night together. Clothing is optional.
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Take our Relationship Quiz and watch our videos with a membership to Marriage365.
Written by Casey Caston
Casey Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and loves his wife, kids, and surfing – in that order. He’s passionate about teaching couples how to connect on a deeper level and works often with couples in crisis. He’s also officiated more than 600 weddings. His life long dream is to walk the Camino, surf in Indonesia, and publish a New York Times bestseller.
