The question that we’ve been asking for centuries: Can men and women just be friends?
Here’s our take:
The only time it works is if both parties are in happy and healthy marriages, sexually satisfied at home, and there are strong professional or interest reasons to be friends. Having friendships with someone of the opposite sex can and does exist! You and your spouse must agree and feel comfortable with this person as well as be very open and honest with what boundaries cannot be crossed… ever! The minute that one of the friends is sexually attracted to the other person or if either of you are having issues in the home front… well, that’s when things get sticky.
Wondering whether or not a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex poses a threat to your marriage? Here are some questions to ask yourself…
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Do you ever compare your spouse to your friend?
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Is your spouse unaware of your opposite-sex friendship?
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Would you behave differently around your friend if your spouse were present?
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Have you ever entertained romantic fantasies about your friend?
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Would you feel uncomfortable if your spouse had the same quality of friendship with someone of the opposite sex?
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Do you have a physical or emotional attraction to your friend?
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Do you and your friend ever discuss personal details about your lives or complain about your relationships to each other?
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When something exciting happens, do you immediately call this friend and not your spouse?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it’s time to rethink your friendship with this person of the opposite sex.
Happy and healthy marriages do not experience affairs. Period.
Thriving marriages are first and foremost best friends and spend the majority of their free time with one another. Connected couples lean on each other in the good times and bad times and do not seek comfort outside of their marriage.
The key to making this work is having an open and honest conversation with your spouse on what boundaries need to be set in order to protect your marriage from ever experiencing an affair.
Here are some questions to get you AND YOUR SPOUSE started:
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What are some healthy boundaries we have in our marriage?
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When there is an issue in our marriage, do we run away from each other and turn towards a friend/co-worker, or do we face our problems head on? And why do you think that is?
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Are there any passwords that you’d like me to share with you?
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Are there any of my friends of the opposite sex that make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not?
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When either of us travels, what are some boundaries we need to have in place?
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Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in Orange County, California with her husband Casey and their two children. She loves the beach, dance parties, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life-long dream is to walk the Camino, have lunch with Brené Brown, and get on The Price is Right.
