First, let me start by saying this: surviving a marriage in crisis is hard and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, scared, or even hopeless right now.
Marriage is one of the most intimate and vulnerable relationships we experience, and when it’s in CRISIS, it can shake us to our core. How to survive a marriage in crisis is a difficult thing to do. You are not alone in your pain, and the fact that you’re here seeking guidance shows courage and a desire to take a step toward healing. Let’s take a deep breath together and work through this, one practical step at a time. Now I want you to know that when my marriage was falling apart, these steps allowed me to stay focused on what I could control rather than showing up in life very reactionary. It gave me more meaning and my hope is that you will experience the same thing.
1. Validate Your Feelings
CRISIS brings out a storm of emotions: anger, sadness, guilt, fear, anxiety and confusion. I remember experiencing rage, disappointment and shame within a 20-minute period and it was overwhelming. Whatever you’re feeling is valid. Take time to name those emotions and allow yourself to feel them without judgment. Bottling them up or pretending they don’t exist will only create more tension. Journaling, praying, COACHING, or talking to a trusted friend can help you process these feelings.
2. Shift Your Focus from Blame to Ownership
In a crisis, it’s natural to point fingers. While your feelings and frustrations may be completely valid, healing starts when we take ownership of our part in the relationship. Ask yourself, “What can I do to contribute to positive change?” Shifting your focus from blame to responsibility empowers you to take action.
3. Communicate with Care
When emotions are high, conversations quickly turn into arguments. To break the cycle, prioritize calm and respectful communication. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try, “I feel unheard when I try to share my feelings.” Practice active listening by repeating back what your spouse says to ensure they feel understood. Take time to learn as many communication techniques and skills that you can so you come to every conversation with confidence.
4. Prioritize Self-Care
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being is critical during this season. This could mean setting aside time for a walk, talking to one of our COACHES, or diving into prayer or meditation. The healthier and more grounded you are, the more you can bring clarity and strength into your marriage.
5. Get Help from the Right People
You shouldn’t navigate this alone. In fact, studies have shown that when you isolate yourself and keep painful experiences private, it fuels more anxiety and stress. Whether it’s through a life and MARRIAGE COACH, a trusted and safe friend, or a faith leader, seeking outside help can provide perspective, tools, and hope. We even offer 2-DAY MARRIAGE INTENSIVES which have a 90% success rate. Make sure to choose someone who has your marriage’s best interest in mind—someone who will advocate for healing rather than division.
6. Set Small Goals
Trying to “fix” everything at once is overwhelming. Instead, focus on small, daily steps you can take to improve your relationship. Maybe it’s spending 10 minutes a day talking without distractions. Maybe it’s offering one genuine compliment to your spouse or writing them a note of appreciation. Little things add up.
7. Use My 7-Step Method
Back in 2006, my marriage problems seemed too big to overcome and so I went to see a therapist. She said something that forever changed my world and that was, “If you want to make a better marriage, it starts by making a better you.” She then walked me through 7 STEPS to help me save my marriage alone. My husband was not willing to go to therapy with me and he didn’t even know that I was doing these 7 steps. But I did them for me, not him, of course with the hope that he would see the change within me. Learn about the 7 STEPS here.
This season may feel heavy and uncertain, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Every step you take toward healing, no matter how small, is a step worth celebrating. Be patient with yourself and your spouse. Healing takes time, but it starts with intention. You’ve already taken a brave step forward by seeking guidance. Keep going. There is hope, and you are not alone.
If you need a safe person to talk to or help you process what to do next, please reach out to one of our online coaches. And if you feel that you need a major intervention, consider our 2-DAY MARRIAGE INTENSIVES.
Written by Meygan Caston
Meygan Caston is the co-founder of Marriage365 and lives in sunny Southern California with her husband Casey, their two children, and dog Hobie. She loves her family, the beach, writing, spa days, and helping couples connect in their marriage. Her life long dream is to live with the Amish for a month, walk the Camino, and have lunch with Brené Brown.
